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doing　it　without　a　condom。

X
Gavin　was　wearing　sunglasses　against　the　glare　of　the　morning　sun；　but　that　was　no　disguise：　Samantha　Mollison　was　sure　to　recognize　his　car。　When　he　caught　sight　of　her；　striding　along　the　pavement　alone　with　her　hands　in　her　pockets　and　her　head　down；　Gavin　made　a　sharp　left　turn；　and　instead　of　continuing　along　the　road　to　Mary’s；　crossed　the　old　stone　bridge；　and　parked　up　a　side　lane　on　the　other　side　of　the　river。

He　did　not　want　Samantha　to　see　him　parking　outside　Mary’s　house。　It　did　not　matter　on　work　days；　when　he　wore　a　suit　and　carried　a　briefcase；　it　had　not　mattered　before　he　had　admitted　to　himself　what　he　felt　about　Mary；　but　it　mattered　now。　In　any　case；　the　morning　was　glorious　and　a　walk　bought　him　time。

Still　keeping　my　options　open；　he　thought；　as　he　crossed　the　bridge　on　foot。　There　was　a　small　boy　sitting　by　himself　on　a　bench；　eating　sweets；　below　him。　I　don’t　have　to　say　anything　…　I’ll　play　it　by　ear　…　

But　his　palms　were　wet。　The　thought　of　Gaia　telling　the　Fairbrother　twins　that　he　was　in　love　with　their　mother　had　haunted　him　all　through　a　restless　night。

Mary　seemed　pleased　to　see　him。

‘Where’s　your　car？’　she　asked；　peering　over　his　shoulder。

‘Parked　it　down　by　the　river；’　he　said。　‘Lovely　morning。　I　fancied　a　walk；　and　then　it　occurred　to　me　that　I　could　mow　the　lawn　if　you—’

‘Oh；　Graham　did　it　for　me；’　she　said；　‘but　that’s　so　sweet　of　you。　e　in　and　have　a　coffee。’

She　chatted　as　she　moved　around　the　kitchen。　She　was　wearing　old　cut…off　jeans　and　a　T…shirt；　they　showed　how　thin　she　was；　but　her　hair　was　shiny　again；　the　way　he　usually　thought　of　it。　He　could　see　the　twin　girls；　lying　out　on　the　freshly　mown　lawn　on　a　blanket；　both　with　headphones　in；　listening　to　their　iPods。
Ｚei8。电子书
‘How　are　you？’　Mary　asked；　sitting　down　beside　him。

He　could　not　think　why　she　sounded　so　concerned；　then　he　remembered　that　he　had　found　time　to　tell　her；　yesterday；　during　his　brief　visit；　that　he　and　Kay　had　split　up。

‘I’m　OK；’　he　said。　‘Probably　for　the　best。’

She　smiled　and　patted　his　arm。

‘I　heard　last　night；’　he　said；　his　mouth　a　little　dry；　‘that　you　might　be　moving。’

‘News　travels　fast　in　Pagford；’　she　said。　‘It’s　just　an　idea。　Theresa　wants　me　to　move　back　to　Liverpool。’

‘And　how　do　the　kids　feel　about　that？’

‘Well；　I’d　wait　for　the　girls　and　Fergus　to　do　their　exams　in　June。　Declan’s　not　so　much　of　a　problem。　I　mean；　none　of　us　wants　to　leave　…’

She　melted　into　tears　in　front　of　him；　but　he　was　so　happy　that　he　reached　out　to　touch　her　delicate　wrist。

‘Of　course　you　don’t　…’

‘…　Barry’s　grave。’

‘Ah；’　said　Gavin；　his　happiness　snuffed　out　like　a　candle。

Mary　wiped　her　streaming　eyes　on　the　back　of　her　hand。　Gavin　found　her　a　little　morbid。　His　family　cremated　their　dead。　Barry’s　burial　had　only　been　the　second　he　had　ever　attended；　and　he　had　hated　everything　about　it。　Gavin　saw　a　grave　purely　as　a　marker　for　the　place　where　a　corpse　was　deposing；　a　nasty　thought；　yet　people　took　it　into　their　heads　to　visit　and　bring　flowers；　as　though　it　might　yet　recover。

She　had　got　up　to　get　tissues。　Outside　on　the　lawn；　the　twins　had　switched　to　sharing　a　set　of　headphones；　their　heads　bobbing　up　and　down　in　time　to　the　same　song。

‘So　Miles　got　Barry’s　seat；’　she　said。　‘I　could　hear　the　celebrations　all　the　way　up　here　last　night。’

‘Well；　it　was　Howard’s　…　yeah；　that’s　right；’　said　Gavin。

‘And　Pagford’s　nearly　rid　of　the　Fields；’　she　said。

‘Yeah；　looks　like　it。’

‘And　now　Miles　is　on　the　council；　it’ll　be　easier　to　close　Bellchapel；’　she　said。

Gavin　always　had　to　remind　himself　what　Bellchapel　was；　he　had　no　interest　in　these　issues　at　all。

‘Yeah；　I　suppose　so。’

‘So　everything　Barry　wanted　is　finished；’　she　said。

Her　tears　had　dried　up；　and　the　patches　of　high　angry　colour　had　returned　to　her　cheeks。

‘I　know；’　he　said。　‘It’s　really　sad。’

‘I　don’t　know；’　she　said；　still　flushed　and　angry。　‘Why　should　Pagford　pick　up　the　bills　for　the　Fields？　Barry　only　ever　saw　one　side　of　it。　He　thought　everyone　in　the　Fields　was　like　him。　He　thought　Krystal　Weedon　was　like　him；　but　she　wasn’t。　It　never　occurred　to　him　that　people　in　the　Fields　might　be　happy　where　they　are。’

‘Yeah；’　said　Gavin；　overjoyed　that　she　disagreed　with　Barry；　and　feeling　as　if　the　shadow　of　his　grave　had　lifted　from　between　them；　‘I　know　what　you　mean。　From　all　I’ve　heard　about　Krystal　Weedon—’

‘She　got　more　of　his　time　and　his　attention　than　his　own　daughters；’　said　Mary。　‘And　she　never　even　gave　a　penny　for　his　wreath。　The　girls　told　me。　The　whole　rowing　team　chipped　in；　except　Krystal。　And　she　didn’t　e　to　his　funeral；　even；　after　all　he’d　done　for　her。’

‘Yeah；　well；　that　shows—’

‘I’m　sorry；　but　I　can’t　stop　thinking　about　it　all；’　she　said　freically。　‘I　can’t　stop　thinking　that　he’d　still　want　me　to　worry　about　bloody　Krystal　Weedon。　I　can’t　get　past　it。　All　the　last　day　of　his　life；　and　he　had　a　headache　and　he　didn’t　do　anything　about　it；　writing　that　bloody　article！’

‘I　know；’　said　Gavin。　‘I　know。　I　think；’　he　said；　with　a　sense　of　putting　his　foot　tentatively　on　an　old　rope　bridge；　‘it’s　a　bloke　thing。　Miles　is　the　same。　Samantha　didn’t　want　him　to　stand　for　the　council；　but　he　went　ahead　anyway。　You　know；　some　men　really　like　a　bit　of　power—’

‘Barry　wasn’t　in　it　for　power；’　said　Mary；　and　Gavin　hastily　retreated。

‘No；　no；　Barry　wasn’t。　He　was　in　it　for—’

‘He　couldn’t　help　himself；’　she　said。　‘He　thought　everyone　was　like　him；　that　if　you　gave　them　a　hand　they’d　start　bettering　themselves。’

‘Yeah；’　said　Gavin；　‘but　the　point　is；　there　are　other　people　who　could　use　a　hand　–　people　at　home　…’

‘Well；　exactly！’　said　Mary；　dissolving　yet　again　into　tears。

‘Mary；’　said　Gavin；　leaving　his　chair；　moving　to　her　side　（on　the　rope　bridge　now；　with　a　sense　of　mingled　panic　and　anticipation）；　‘look　…　it’s　really　early　…　I　mean；　it’s　far　too　soon　…　but　you’ll　meet　someone　else。’

‘At　forty；’　sobbed　Mary；　‘with　four　children　…’

‘Plenty　of　men；’　he　began；　but　that　was　no　good；　he　would　rather　she　did　not　think　she　had　too　many　options。　‘The　right　man；’　he　corrected　himself；　‘won’t　care　that　you’ve　got　kids。　Anyway；　they’re　such　nice　kids　…　anyone　would　be　glad　to　take　them　on。’

‘Oh；　Gavin；　you’re　so　sweet；’　she　said；　dabbing　her　eyes　again。

He　put　his　arm　around　her；　and　she　did　not　shrug　it　off。　They　stood　without　speaking　while　she　blew　her　nose；　and　then　he　felt　her　tense　to　move　away；　and　he　said；　‘Mary　…’

‘What？’

‘I’ve　got　to　–　Mary；　I　think　I’m　in　love　with　you。’

He　knew　for　a　few　seconds　the　glorious　pride　of　the　skydiver　who　pushes　off　firm　floor　into　limitless　space。

Then　she　pulled　away。

‘Gavin。　I—’

‘I’m　sorry；’　he　said；　observing　with　alarm　her　repulsed　expression。　‘I　wanted　you　to　hear　it　from　me。　I　told　Kay　that’s　why　I　wanted　to　split　up；　and　I　was　scared　you’d　hear　it　from　someone　else。　I　wouldn’t　have　said　anything　for　months。　Years；’　he　added；　trying　to　bring　back　her　smile　and　the　mood　in　which　she　found　him　sweet。

But　Mary　was　shaking　her　head；　arms　folded　over　her　thin　chest。

‘Gavin；　I　never；　ever—’

‘Forget　I　said　anything；’　he　said　foolishly。　‘Let’s　just　forget　it。’

‘I　thought　you　understood；’　she　said。

He　gathered　that　he　should　have　known　that　she　was　encased　in　the　invisible　armour　of　grief；　and　that　it　ought　to　have　protected　her。

‘I　do　understand；’　he　lied。　‘I　wouldn’t　have　told　you；　only—’

‘Barry　always　said　you　fancied　me；’　said　Mary。

‘I　didn’t；’　he　said　frantically。

‘Gavin；　I　think　you’re　such　a　nice　man；’　she　said　breathlessly。　‘But　I　don’t　–　I　mean；　even　if—’

‘No；’　he　said　loudly；　trying　to　drown　her　out。　‘I　understand。　Listen；　I’m　going　to　go。’

‘There’s　no　need　…’

But　he　almost　hated　her　now。　He　had　heard　what　she　was　trying　to　say：　even　if　I　weren’t　grieving　for　my　husband；　I　wouldn’t　want　you。

His　visit　had　been　so　brief　that　when　Mary；　slightly　shaky；　poured　away　his　coffee　it　was　still　hot。

XI
Howard　had　told　Shirley　that　he　did　not　feel　well；　that　he　thought　he　had　better　stay　in　bed　and　rest；　and　that　the　Copper　Kettle　could　run　without　him　for　an　afternoon。

‘I’ll　call　Mo；’　he　said。

‘No；　I’ll　call　her；’　said　Shirley　sharply。

As　she　closed　the　bedroom　door　on　him；　Shirley　thought；　He’s　using　his　heart。

He　had　said；　‘Don’t　be　silly；　Shirl’；　and　then；　‘It’s　rubbish；　bloody　rubbish’；　and　she　had　not　pressed　him。　Years　of　genteel　avoidance　of　grisly　topics　（Shirley　had　been　literally　struck　dumb　when　twenty…three…year…old　Patricia　had　said：　‘I’m　gay；　Mum。’）　seemed　to　have　muzzled　something　inside　her。

The　doorbell　rang。　Lexie　said；　‘Dad　told　me　to　e　round　here。　He　and　Mum　have　got　something　to　do。　Where’s　Grandad？’

‘In　bed；’　said　Shirley。　‘He　overdid　it　a　bit　last　night。’

‘It　was　a　good　party；　wasn’t　it？’　said　Lexie。

‘Yes；　lovely；’　said　Shirley；　with　a　tempest　building　inside　her。

After　a　while；　her　granddaughter’s　prattling　wore　Shirley　down。

‘Let’s　have　lunch　at　the　café；’　she　suggested。　‘Howard；’　she　called　through　the　closed　bedroom　door；　‘I’m　taking　Lexie　for　lunch　at　the　Copper　Kettle。’

He　sounded　worried；　and　she　was　glad。　She　was　not　afraid　of　Maureen。　She　would　look　Maureen　right　in　the　face　…

But　it　occurred　to　Shirley；　as　she　walked；　that　Howard　might　have　telephoned　Maureen　the　moment　she　had　left　the　bungalow。　She　was　so　stupid　…　somehow；　she　had　thought　that；　in　calling　Maureen　herself　about　Howard’s　illness；　she　had　stopped　them　municating　…　she　was　forgetting　…

The　familiar；　well…loved　streets　seemed　different；　strange。　She　had　taken　a　regular　inventory　of　the　window　she　presented　to　this　lovely　little　world：　wife　and　mother；　hospital　volunteer；　secretary　to　the　Parish　Council；　First　Citizeness；　and　Pagford　had　been　her　mirror；　reflecting；　in　its　polite　respect；　her　value　and　her　worth。　But　the　Ghost　had　taken　a　rubber　stamp　and　smeared　across　the　pristine　surface　of　her　life　a　revelation　that　would　nullify　it　all：　‘her　husband　was　sleeping　with　his　business　partner；　and　she　never　knew　…’

It　would　be　all　that　anyone　said；　when　she　was　mentioned；　all　that　they　ever　remembered　about　her。

She　pushed　open　the　door　of　the　café；　the　bell　tinkled；　and　Lexie　said；　‘There’s　Peanut　Price。’

‘Howard　all　right？’　croaked　Maureen。

‘Just　tired；’　said　Shirley；　moving　smoothly　to　a　table　and　sitting　down；　her　heart　beating　so　fast　that　she　wondered　whether　she　might　have　a　coronary　herself。

‘Tell　him　neither　of　the　girls　has　turned　up；’　said　Maureen　crossly；　lingering　by　their　table；　‘and　neither　of　them　bothered　to　call　in　either。　It’s　lucky　we’re　not　busy。’

Lexie　went　to　the　counter　to　talk　to　Andrew；　who　had　been　put　on　waiter　duty。　Conscious　of　her　unusual　solitude；　as　she　sat　alone　at　the　table；　Shirley　remembered　Mary　Fairbrother；　erect　and　gaunt　at　Barry’s　funeral；　widowhood　draped　around　her　like　a　queen’s　train；　the　pity；　the　admiration。　In　losing　her　husband；　Mary　had　bee　the　silent　passive　recipient　of　admiration；　whereas　she；　shackled　to　a　man　who　had　betrayed　her；　was　cloaked　in　grubbiness；　a　target　of　derision　…

（Long　ago；　in　Yarvil；　men　had　subjected　Shirley　to　smutty　jokes　because　of　her　mother’s　reputation；　even　though　she；　Shirley；　had　been　as　pure　as　it　was　possible　to　be。）

‘Grandad’s　feeling　ill；’　Lexie　was　telling　Andrew。　‘What’s　in　those　cakes？’

He　bent　down　behind　the　counter；　hiding　his　red　face。

I　snogged　your　mum。

Andrew　had　almost　skived　off　work。　He　had　been　afraid　that　Howard　might　sack　him　on　the　spot　for　kissing　his　daughter…in…law；　and　was　downright　terrified　that　Miles　Mollison　might　storm　in；　looking　for　him。　At　the　same　time；　he　was　not　so　naive　that　he　did　not　know　that　Samantha；　who　must；　he　thought　ruthlessly；　be　well　over　forty；　would　figure　as　the　villain　of　the　piece。　His　defence　was　simple。　‘She　was　pissed　and　she　grabbed　me。’

There　was　a　tiny　glimmer　of　pride　in　his　embarrassment。　He　had　been　anxious　to　see　Gai