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首发偶发空缺 (临时空缺)-第66部分
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Andrew laughed a little bit; out of politeness and because he wanted to keep the subject away from the Ghost of Barry Fairbrother。
‘Turned my stomach too;’ said Patricia。 ‘Old Maureen and my father singing along together。 Arm in arm。’ Patricia took a final fierce drag on her cigarette and threw the end down; grinding it beneath her heel。 ‘I walked in on her blowing him when I was twelve;’ she said。 ‘And he gave me a fiver not to tell my mother。’
Andrew and Fats stood transfixed; scared even to look at each other。 Patricia wiped her face on the back of her hand: she was crying。
‘Shouldn’t have bloody e;’ she said。 ‘Knew I shouldn’t。’
She got into the BMW; and the two boys watched; stunned; as she turned on the engine; reversed out of her parking space and drove away into the night。
‘Fuck me;’ said Fats。
‘I think I might be sick;’ whispered Gaia。
‘Mr Mollison wants you back inside – for the drinks。’
Her message delivered; Sukhvinder darted away again。
‘I can’t;’ whispered Gaia。
Andrew left her there。 The din in the hall hit him as he opened the inner doors。 The disco was in full swing。 He had to move aside to allow Aubrey and Julia Fawley room to leave。 Both; with their backs to the party; looked grimly pleased to be going。
Samantha Mollison was not dancing; but was leaning up against the trestle table where; so recently; there had been rows and rows of drinks。 While Sukhvinder rushed around collecting glasses; Andrew unpacked the last box of clean ones; set them out and filled them。
‘Your bow tie’s crooked;’ Samantha told him; and she leaned across the table and straightened it for him。 Embarrassed; he ducked into the kitchen as soon as she let go。 Between each load of glasses he put in the dishwasher; Andrew took another swig of the vodka he had stolen。 He wanted to be drunk like Gaia; he wanted to return to that moment when they had been laughing uncontrollably together; before Fats had appeared。
After ten minutes; he checked the drinks table again; Samantha was still propped up against it; glassy…eyed; and there were plenty of fresh…poured drinks left for her to enjoy。 Howard was bobbing in the middle of the dance floor; sweat pouring down his face; roaring with laughter at something Maureen had said to him。 Andrew wound his way through the crowd and back outside。
He could not see where she was at first: then he spotted them。 Gaia and Fats were locked together ten yards away from the door; leaning up against the railings; bodies pressed tight against each other; tongues working in each other’s mouths。
‘Look; I’m sorry; but I can’t do it all;’ said Sukhvinder desperately from behind him。 Then she spotted Fats and Gaia and let out something between a yelp and a sob。 Andrew walked back into the hall with her; pletely numb。 In the kitchen; he poured the remainder of the vodka into a glass and downed it in one。 Mechanically he filled the sink and set to washing out the glasses that could not fit in the dishwasher。
The alcohol was not like dope。 It made him feel empty; but also keen to hit someone: Fats; for instance。
After a while; he realized that the plastic clock on the kitchen wall had leapt from midnight to one and that people were leaving。
He was supposed to find coats。 He tried for a while; but then lurched off to the kitchen again; leaving Sukhvinder in charge。
Samantha was leaning up against the fridge; on her own; with a glass in her hand。 Andrew’s vision was strangely jerky; like a series of stills。 Gaia had not e back。 She was doubtless long gone with Fats。 Samantha was talking to him。 She was drunk too。 He was not embarrassed by her any more。 He suspected that he might be sick quite soon。
‘ … hate bloody Pagford …’ said Samantha; and; ‘but you’re young enough to get out。’
‘Yeah;’ he said; unable to feel his lips。 ‘An’ I will。 ’Nigh will。’
She pushed his hair off his forehead and called him sweet。 The image of Gaia with her tongue in Fats’ mouth threatened to obliterate everything。 He could smell Samantha’s perfume; ing in waves from her hot skin。
‘That band’s shit;’ he said; pointing at her chest; but he did not think she heard him。
Her mouth was chapped and warm; and her breasts were huge; pressed against his chest; her back was as broad as his—
‘What the fuck?’
Andrew was slumped against the draining board and Samantha was being dragged out of the kitchen by a big man with short greying hair。 Andrew had a dim idea that something bad had happened; but the strange flickering quality of reality was being more and more pronounced; until the only thing to do was to stagger across the room to the bin and throw up again and again and again …
‘Sorry; you can’t e in!’ he heard Sukhvinder tell someone。 ‘Stuff piled up against the door!’
He tied the bin bag tightly on his own vomit。 Sukhvinder helped him clear the kitchen。 He needed to throw up twice more; but both times managed to get to the bathroom。
It was nearly two o’clock by the time Howard; sweaty but smiling; thanked them and said goodnight。
‘Very good work;’ he said。 ‘See you tomorrow; then。 Very good … where’s Miss Bawden; by the way?’
Andrew left Sukhvinder to e up with a lie。 Out in the street; he unchained Simon’s bicycle and wheeled it away into the darkness。
The long cold walk back to Hilltop House cleared his head; but assuaged neither his bitterness nor his misery。
Had he ever told Fats that he fancied Gaia? Maybe not; but Fats knew。 He knew that Fats knew … were they; perhaps; shagging right now?
I’m moving; anyway; Andrew thought; bent over and shivering as he pushed the bicycle up the hill。 So fuck them …
Then he thought: I’d better be moving … Had he just snogged Lexie Mollison’s mother? Had her husband walked in on them? Had that really happened?
He was scared of Miles; but he also wanted to tell Fats about it; to see his face …
When he let himself into the house; exhausted; Simon’s voice came out of the darkness from the kitchen。
‘Have you put my bike in the garage?’
He was sitting at the kitchen table; eating a bowl of cereal。 It was nearly half…past two in the morning。
‘Couldn’t sleep;’ said Simon。
For once; he was not angry。 Ruth was not there; so he did not have to prove himself bigger or smarter than his sons。 He seemed weary and small。
‘Think we’re gonna have to move to Reading; Pizza Face;’ said Simon。 It was almost a term of endearment。
Shivering slightly; feeling old and shell…shocked; and immensely guilty; Andrew wanted to give his father something to make up for what he had done。 It was time to redress balances and claim Simon as an ally。 They were a family。 They had to move together。 Perhaps it could be better; somewhere else。
‘I’ve got something for you;’ he said。 ‘e through here。 Found out how to do it at school …’
And he led the way to the puter。
IV
A misty blue sky stretched like a dome over Pagford and the Fields。 Dawn light shone upon the old stone war memorial in the Square; on the cracked concrete fa?ades of Foley Road; and turned the white walls of Hilltop House pale gold。 As Ruth Price climbed into her car ready for another long shift at the hospital; she looked down at the River Orr; shining like a silver ribbon in the distance; and felt how pletely unjust it was that somebody else would soon have her house and her view。
A mile below; in Church Row; Samantha Mollison was still sound asleep in the spare bedroom。 There was no lock on the door; but she had barricaded it with an armchair before collapsing; semi…dressed; onto the bed。 The beginnings of a vicious headache disturbed her slumber; and the sliver of sunshine that had perated the gap in the curtains fell like a laser beam across the corner of one eye。 She twitched a little; in the depths of her dry…mouthed; anxious half…sleep; and her dreams were guilty and strange。
Downstairs; among the clean; bright surfaces of the kitchen; Miles sat bolt upright and alone with an untouched mug of tea in front of him; staring at the fridge; and stumbling again; in his mind’s eye; upon his drunken wife locked in the embrace of a sixteen…year…old schoolboy。
Howard Mollison was sleeping soundly and happily in his double bed。 The patterned curtains dappled him with pink petals and protected him from a rude awakening; but his rattling wheezing snores had roused his wife。 Shirley was eating toast and drinking coffee in the kitchen; wearing her glasses and her candlewick dressing gown。 She visualized Maureen swaying arm in arm with her husband in the village hall and experienced a concentrated loathing that took the taste from every mouthful。
In the Smithy; a few miles outside Pagford; Gavin Hughes soaped himself under a hot shower and wondered why he had never had the courage of other men; and how they managed to make the right choices among almost infinite alternatives。 There was a yearning inside him for a life he had glimpsed but never tasted; yet he was afraid。 Choice was dangerous: you had to forgo all other possibilities when you chose。
Kay Bawden was lying awake and exhausted in bed in Hope Street; listening to the early morning quiet of Pagford and watching Gaia; who was asleep beside her in the double bed; pale and drained in the early daylight。 There was a bucket next to Gaia on the floor; placed there by Kay; who had half carried her daughter from bathroom to bedroom in the early hours; after holding her hair out of the toilet for an hour。
‘Why did you make us e here?’ Gaia had wailed; as she choked and retched over the bowl。 ‘Get off me。 Get off。 I fuck – I hate you。’
Kay watched the sleeping face and recalled the beautiful little baby who had slept beside her; sixteen years ago。 She remembered the tears that Gaia had shed when Kay had split up with Steve; her live…in partner of eight years。 Steve had attended Gaia’s parents’ evenings and taught her to ride a bicycle。 Kay remembered the fantasy she had nurtured (with hindsight; as silly as four…year…old Gaia’s wish for a unicorn) that she would settle down with Gavin and give Gaia; at last; a permanent stepfather; and a beautiful house in the country。 How desperate she had been for a storybook ending; and a life to which Gaia would always want to return; because her daughter’s departure was hurtling towards Kay like a meteorite; and she foresaw the loss of Gaia as a calamity that would shatter her world。
Kay reached out a hand beneath the duvet and held Gaia’s。 The feel of the warm flesh that she had accidentally brought into the world made Kay start to weep; quietly; but so violently that the mattress shook。
And at the bottom of Church Row; Parminder Jawanda slipped a coat on over her nightdress and took her coffee into the back garden。 Sitting in the chilly sunlight on a wooden bench; she saw that it was promising to be a beautiful day; but there seemed to be a blockage between her eyes and her heart。 The heavy weight on her chest deadened everything。
The news that Miles Mollison had won Barry’s seat on the Parish Council had not been a surprise; but on seeing Shirley’s neat little announcement on the website; she had known another flicker of that madness that had overtaken her at the last meeting: a desire to attack; superseded almost at once by stifling hopelessness。
‘I’m going to resign from the council;’ she told Vikram。 ‘What’s the point?’
‘But you like it;’ he had said。
She had liked it when Barry had been there too。 It was easy to conjure him up this morning; when everything was quiet and still。 A little; ginger…bearded man; she had been taller than him by half a head。 She had never felt the slightest physical attraction towards him。 What was love; after all? thought Parminder; as a gentle breeze ruffled the tall hedge of leyland cypresses that enclosed the Jawandas’ big back lawn。 Was it love when somebody filled a space in your life that yawned inside you; once they had gone?
I did love laughing; thought Parminder。 I really miss laughing。
And it was the memory of laughter that; at last; made the tears flow from her eyes。 They trickled down her nose and into her coffee; where they made little bullet holes; swiftly erased。 She was crying because she never
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