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from　the　Dominican　Republic；　and　some　of　them　even　have　his　name；　so　it　really　isn？t　a　stretch　
for　them　to　impersonate　their　famous　cousin。　Now；　if　I　could　just　get　myself　a　body　double　to　
attend　my　final　exams　so　I　could　concentrate　on　resting　up　for　the　parties　after　graduation！　

St。　jude？s　lax　coach　investigating　viagra　theft　

This　warning　came　in　the　form　of　an　e…mail；　and　caught　me　quite　off　guard：　

　Dear　Gossip　Girl；　

Please　let　your　readers　know　stealing　is　a　serious　matter。　Whoever　took　my　prescription　for　
Viagra？and　I？m　pretty　sure　it　was　a　senior　on　my　lax　team？will　not　graduate！　Thank　you　for　your　
help。　

　michaels　

Any　advice　on　how　I　should　respond？

　Sightings　

SandB　；　both　with　huge　shopping　bags；　walking　out　ofBergdorf　Goodman　and　theOscar　de　la　
Renta　boutique；　respectively。　Guess　they　got　lucky　and　found　the　graduation　dresses　of　their　
dreams！　An　unshaven　and　more…neurotic…than…usual…lookingD　buying　a　collection　ofPablo　Neruda　
love　poems　atB&N　。　Has　he　gone　over　the　edge　this　time？　Wait；　what　am　I　talking　about？he　
always　goes　over　the　edge。V　in　theCVS　in　downtownWilliamsburg　；　loading　up　on　Jergens　


antibacterial　shower　gel。　All　those　prehookup　and　posthookup　showers？gotta　be　prepared。J　；　with　
her　brother；　in　the　bookstore；　reading　The　Best　Public　Schools　in　NYC。　Has　she　given　up　on　
boarding　school　already？　Hey；J　？see　above。　You？d　be　surprised　what　can　happen　in　the　last　few　
weeks　of　school。　Kids　going　wild；　getting　kicked　out　right　and　left。　You　just　gotta　have　faith。　It？s　
like　that　song　fromWest　Side　Story：　？There？s　a　place　for　us！　？？　

I？ll　stop　singing　now　and　pretend　to　study　for　my　finals。　

See　you　at　the　open　call　at　Barneys　on　Saturday　morning？whowon？t　be　there？　

You　know　you　love　me。　

　gossip　girl　

Objects　reflected　in　mirror　are　closer　than　they　appear　

？Is　this　too　brown？？　Jenny　Humphrey　asked　her　sometimes…best　friend；　Elise　Wells。　She　flicked　
a　tiny　Sephora　makeup　brush　over　the　ridge　of　her　adorable　button　nose　a　few　times。　？I？m　trying　
to　reduce　the　size　of　my　nose。？　

Like　there　isn？t　another　part　of　her　body　that　actuallyneeds　reducing？　

？What　nose？？　Elise　demanded。　？You　barely　even　have　a　nose。？　Elise　had　a　small　nose　too；　but　it　
was　pugged；　which　was　almost　worse　than　having　a　big　honker；　because　she　was　tall　and　was　
forever　concerned　that　people　were　staring　up　at　her　nose　hairs　and　boogers。　

Nose　hairs　and　boogers；　oh　my！　

It　was　last…period　study　hall；　and　Jenny　had　taken　over　the　kindergarten　bathroom；　which　was　
always　free　in　the　afternoons　because　the　kindergartners　went　home　at　two。　The　stalls　were　
narrower　than　those　in　the　rest　of　the　bathrooms　in　the　school；　and　the　toilets　were　only　eighteen　
inches　off　the　ground；　with　bright　pink　Hello　Kitty　toilet　seats。　Even　the　sinks　were　lower；　with　
pink　plastic　Hello　Kitty　step　stools　in　front　of　them　and　clear　pink　Hello　Kitty　soap　dispensers。　All　
the　Hello　Kitty　paraphernalia　had　been　donated　by　a　parent　from　Tokyo　who　happened　toown　
Hello　Kitty。　

？Have　you　ever　heard　of　a　school　called　Waverly　Prep？？　Jenny　asked；　blotting　wine…colored　
blush　onto　her　lips　and　then　smearing　them　with　Vaseline？another　tip　she？d　learned　on　TV　from　
some　model/actress　named　Lauren　Hutton　who　was　the　same　age　as　her　dad　but　was　still　pretty　
enough　to　model　for　J。Crew。　


Elise　shook　her　head。　？Is　it　another　boarding　school？？　She　never　said　it　out　loud；　but　Elise　hated　
the　idea　of　Jenny　going　off　to　boarding　school　and　leaving　her　friendless　and　alone　in　Constance？s　
tenth　grade。　Who　else　would　order　takeout　egg　rolls　with　her　and　have　them　delivered　right　to　the　
blue　doors？　Who　else　would　tell　her？gently？that　her　shirt　would　look　betterun　tucked？　

？Well；　I　just　heard　they　have　this　great　new　art　program。　Like；　they　have　a　real　gallery　that？s　
open　to　the　public　and　the　students　curate　the　shows　and　everything。　It　sounds　really　cool。　Of　
course；　applications　were　due　in；　like；　December；　but　I　was　thinking　maybe　I　could　send　them　
some　of　my　artwork？？　Jenny　zipped　up　her　yellow…and…pink　striped　LeSportsac　makeup　bag；　
watching　herself　in　one　of　the　diminutive；　square　over…the…sink　mirrors　as　she　talked。　Lauren　
Hutton　was　right。　Her　nose　did　look　smaller。　If　only　her　dark　hair　weren？t　so　darned　curly　and　
unmanageable。　？This　is　my　last　chance。　If　I　don？t　get　in　there；　I？m　going　to　have　to　go　to　public　
school。？

　Heaven　forbid！　

？I　just　wish　I　hadn？t　burned　all　those　paintings？？　she　added　wistfully　and　rubbed　her　lips　together　
one　last　time。　

Back　when　she？d　been　in　love　with　Nate；　Jenny　had　painted　his　portrait　in　the　style　of　each　of　her　
favorite　painters：　Matisse；　Picasso；　Chagall；　Monet；　Warhol；　Pollock。　The　paintings　had　been　vivid　
and　full　of　emotion；　as　if　she？d　been　trying　to　invoke　love　itself　right　there　on　the　canvas。　But　
when　Nate　had　broken　her　heart；　she？d　set　fire　to　them　in　a　metal　trash　can　out　on　the　sidewalk　in　
front　of　her　building；　burning　every　last　one。　

Elise　bared　her　teeth　at　the　mirror；　trying　to　dig　out　the　remains　of　the　orange　she？d　eaten　for　
lunch　with　her　jagged；　unpainted　pinky　nail。　？Yeah；　but　would　you　really　want　to　send　a　boarding　
school　a　whole　bunch　of　paintings　of　some　boy　you　don？t　even　talk　to　anymore？？　she　asked　
reasonably。　

Well；　at　least　they？d　know　I　was　capable　ofhavinga　boyfriend　；　Jenny　retorted　silently；　suddenly　
irked　by　the　prep…piness　of　Elise？s　shell　pink　Peter　Pan…collared　blouse　and　the　way　her　breath　
always　smelled　like　yesterday？s　egg　rolls。　

Besides；　Waverly　sounded　like　the　kind　of　school　that　was　always　evolving；　not　a　party　school　
per　se；　but　a　school　that　wasn？t　afraid　to　try　something　new　or　take　a　risk　on　someone。　

Likeher；　for　instance？　

Elise　stopped　picking　her　teeth　and　reached　for　Jenny？s　makeup　bag；　opening　it　without　asking　
permission　and　unscrewing　a　tube　of　shimmering　lilac…colored　Stila　lip　gloss。　She　puckered　her　
wide　mouth　and　began　generously　smearing　lip　gloss　all　over　it。　

When　Jenny　really　thought　about　it；　she　had　taken　a　risk　on　Elise。　First　she　had　been　friendless；　


and　now　she　had　a　friend；　whether　she　liked　it　or　not。　

？You？re　right；？　she　mused；　retrieving　her　makeup　bag　and　spilling　it　into　one　of　the　small；　low　
sinks。　？I　should　send　Waverly　something　new　anyway。　Something　I　haven？t　tried　before。？　She　
sorted　through　the　assortment　of　eyeliners；　shadows；　and　glosses；　looking　for　her　favorite　Clinique　
four…shades…of…gray　eye　shadow　palette　in　its　mint　green　plastic　case。　？Would　you　mind　if　I　
painted　your　portrait　with　this？？　she　asked　her　friend；　holding　up　the　palette　and　feeling　suddenly　
inspired。　She？d　do　Elise　in　eye　shadow；　her　dad　in　red　wine；　and　Dan　in　？　instant　coffee。　It　was　
innovative　and　meaningful；　and　way　better　than　sending　Waverly　a　tear　sheet　of　her　jog　bra　
modeling　debut　or　her　first　appearance　on　Page　Six。　

Not　that　Jenny　wasn？t　still　a　party　girl　looking　for　a　party　school；　but　Serena　van　der　Woodsen　
had　taught　her　a　very　important　lesson：　Party　girls　are　deeper　and　smarter　than　they　first　appear。　

Be　still　her　cheating　heart　

Vanessa　was　sitting　on　the　floor　in　her　living　room　wearing　only　the　black　
SUGARDADDYDIDHUNGARYT…shirt　her　sister；　Ruby；　had　sent　her　from　Budapest；　a　recent　
stop　on　her　band？s　tour；　and　a　pair　of　somebody？s　gray…and…white　striped　boxers？it　was　getting　
hard　to　keep　them　straight。　She　was　trying　to　smoothly　splice　together　Chuck　Bass？s　horrifying　
and　amusing　interview；　plete　with　pet　snow　monkey；　with　Kati　and　Isabel　talking　about　how　
they？d　decided　to　go　to　Rollins　College　in　Florida　together　even　though　Isabel　had　gotten　into　
Princeton。　Chuck　was　wearing　a　tight　white　wifebeater　T…shirt　and　was　rubbing　his　beefy；　
unnaturally　tan　arms　with　Bain　de　Soleil　dark　tanning　oil　as　he　explained　how　he　stayed　golden　
brown　all　year。　His　monkey　remained　curled　in　his　lap；　blinking　stupidly　at　the　camera　with　its　
creepy　light　blue　eyes。　

？Normally　I　lie　in　the　beds　like　once；　maybe　twice　a　week；　or　I　use　this　amazing　Est？e　Lauder　
bronzing　stuff　to　keep　it　nice　and　even　all　year　round。　I　wonder；　though？do　you　happen　to　know　if　
there？s　a　good　tanning　salon　near　Fort　Lee？？　

Isabel　and　Kati　were　lying　on　their　backs　with　their　heads　pressed　together？Isabel？s　sleek　and　
dark　and　Kati？s　frizzy　and　strawberry　blond？smiling　up　at　the　camera　like　sisters　who　looked　
nothing　alike。　

？It？s　like；　how　am　I　going　to　concentrate　in；　like；　Intro　to　Law　at　Princeton；　if　my　best　friend　in　
the　whole　world　is　down　in　Florida　all　by　herself？？　Isabel　demanded　gaily；　her　lips　so　thoroughly　
glossed；　they　were　practically　dripping。　

？Besides；　we？re　both　going　to　lose　ten　pounds　this　summer　on　the　South　Beach　Diet　so　we　can　
look　awesome　in　our　matching　Shoshanna　black…and…red　paisley　bikinis；　which　we　get　to　wear　


every　single　day！？　Kati　shrieked　excitedly；　kicking　her　bare　legs　so　hard；　her　light…blue…and…white　
seersucker　uniform　flipped　up；　revealing　her　sensible　white　cotton　Gap　underwear。　

The　crazy　thing　was　that　the　more　Vanessa　replayed　the　interviews；　the　more　she　realized　she　was　
actually　going　to　miss　these　people；　freak　shows　that　they　were；　and　she　wondered　for　their　sake　if　
there　was　any　way　to　make　them　sound　more　intelligent　and　less　insane。　

Probably　not。　And　what　would　be　the　fun　of　that　anyway？　

As　she　worked；　she　couldn？t　help　feeling　distracted　by　the　knowledge　that　just　over　the　
Williamsburg　Bridge；　the　indie　film　director　Ken　Mogul　was　casting　his　first　moneymaking　
blockbuster　venture；Breakfast　at　Fred？s；　which　would　be　filmed　at　Fred？s　restaurant　in　Barneys　
department　store　on　Sixtieth　and　Madison。　Months　before；　Ken　Mogul　had　spotted　a　piece　of　
Vanessa？s　film　footage　that　had　accidentally　been　leaked　on　the　Internet　and　tried　to　hire　her　to　
work　with　him。　He？d　wanted　her　to　quit　school　and　postpone　college。　Of　course；　Vanessa　had　said　
no。　But　now　Ken　Mogul　was　in　New　York；　making　a　movie　right　under　her　nose。　She　was　
supposed　to　be　driving　around　the　country　with　Aaron　this　summer　anyway；　but？　

It？s　kind　of　tempting；　huh？　

Someone　knocked　on　the　front　door。　？Yeah？？　Vanessa　called　out　before　getting　up　to　see　who　it　
was。　Aaron　was　supposed　to　e　over　after　band　practice　and　had　promised　to　bring　Thai　food　
for　dinner　and　help　her　study　for　her　math　exam。　He　was　due　any　minute；　but　he　had　a　key。　She　
got　up　and　peered　through　the　little　glass　peephole　in　the　door。　There　was　no　one　there。　

Hearing　faint　footsteps　echoing　on　the　stairs；　she　shifted　her　gaze　and　squinted；　just　making　out　
Dan？s　skinny；　navy…blue…board…shorts…clad　ass　as　it　disappeared　up　the　grubby　black　steps　on　his　
way　to　the　roof。　She？d　forgotten　he　still　had　a　key；　too。　

Already　Vanessa　could　feel　the　adrenaline　rush　she？d　felt　the　last　time　Dan　had　e　over。　Was　it　
being　with　him　that　made　her　feel　this　way；　or　was　it　the　notion　that　Aaron　could　walk　through　the　
door　at　any　moment　and　catch　them？　Did　it　even　matter？

　Hell　no。　

She　scribbled　a　hasty　note　to　Aaron？Went　to　get　laundry？even　though　she？d　already　picked　up　
her　laundry　at　the　Wash　？n？　Fold　that　morning　before　school。　Then　she　threw　open　the　front　door　
and　dashed　upstairs。　

Dan　was　lying　on　his　back　on　the　futon　underneath　the　water　tower；　wearing　only　his　black　
cotton　boxer　briefs；　leafing　through　a　glossy…pink…covered　collection　of　Pablo　Neruda　love　poems。　
Beside　him　on　a　tinfoil　tray　were　four　bluepoint　oysters　from　Zabar？s　and　an　open　bottle　of　red　
Merlot　with　two　Styrofoam　cups。　When　he　saw　Vanessa；　he　immediately　sat　up　and　began　to　read　
aloud。　


Don？t　go　far　off；　not　even　for　a　day；　because？　

Because？I　don？t　know　how　to　say　it：　a　day　is　long。　

？Do　you　think　maybe　you　could　call　first　before　you　e　over？？　Vanessa　demanded；　pretending　
to　be　furious；　because　she　knew　it　turned　Dan　on　to　see　her　mad。　？Aaron？s　ing　over；　like；　right　
now。？　

？That？s　from　a　poem　called　？I　Crave　Your　Mouth；　Your　Voice；　Your　Hair；？？　Dan　explained；　
gazing　at　her　sweetly。　He　poured　a　little　wine　into　a　cup　and　held　it　out。　？Want　some？？　

Vanessa　rolled　her　eyes　and　went　over　to　the　futon。　？I　think　I　know　what　you　crave。？　She　sa