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process。　Serena　dropped　the　suit　on　the　dressing　room　floor　and　grabbed　him　back。　For　once；　Nate　
wasn？t　weeping　into　a　fistful　of　soggy　tissues。　She　wasn？t　about　to　miss　this　opportunity。　

Nate　was　eternally　grateful　that　Serena　was　Serena　and　not　Blair。　Blair　would　have　wanted　to　
dissect　his　behavior。　She　would　have　wanted　to　make　a　fuss　or　have　an　argument；　while　Serena　
just　flicked　away　the　remains　of　her　camisole　and　helped　him　off　with　his　shirt。　？You　didn？t　tell　
me　you　were　all　hot　and　bothered。？

　Slightly。　

Nate　grabbed　the　other　pristine　white　satin　Oscar　suits　off　their　hooks　and　scattered　them　at　their　
feet。　？Remember　when　we　were　in　the　tub　at　my　house；　the　summer　before　tenth　grade？？　he　told　
her　urgently；　pressing　his　lips　against　her　neck。　

Serena　blushed　again。　How　could　she　forget？　It　had　been　their　third　time。　When　they　were　both　
still　counting。　

？Let？s　do　the　same　thing　again；？　Nate　practically　shouted。　？Pretend　all　these　white　dresses　are　
the　bubbles！？　

Whoa。　Who　ever　said　boys　lack　imagination？

　？Yes！？

　？Oh；　yes！？　

？Found　something　you　like；　dear？？　Joan；　ever　the　helpful　Bergdorf　sales　matron；　poked　her　gray　
head　through　the　opening　in　the　thick　velvet　curtain。　She　stared　at　the　confusion　of　tanned；　
writhing　limbs　and　white　satin　on　the　floor　of　the　dressing　room　and　then　quickly　withdrew；　
popping　a　few　blood　pressure　pills　before　attending　to　a　new　shipment　of　Missoni　sweaters。　That　
sort　of　vulgar　behavior　was　pletely　unladylike　and　therefore　pletely　un…Bergdorf？s；　but　
there　wasn？t　much　she　could　do。　Serena　van　der　Woodsen　had　opened　a　Bergdorf？s　charge　
account　when　she　was　seven　and　had　been　a　loyal　customer　ever　since。　And　of　course　it　was　nice　
to　see　that　she　was　so　fortable　in　the　store。　


Nate　began　to　cry　as　soon　as　it　was　over。　The　Viagra　had　worn　off　just　in　time。　？I　just　can？t　
believe　you？re　going　to　be　wearing　one　of　these；？　he　murmured；　extracting　the　skirt　to　one　of　the　
suits　from　underneath　his　bare　ass。　

？Well；　I　haven？t　even　tried　it　on　yet。？　Serena　let　her　head　fall　back；　closing　her　enormous　dark　
blue　eyes　as　Nate　pressed　his　soggy　cheek　into　her　hair。　It　was　sweet　and　sort　of　feminine　of　him　
to　cry　after　they？d　done　it；　and　she　suddenly　realized　she　was　the　stronger；　more　？masculine？　one　
in　their　relationship。　At　least　they？d　finally　done　it。　Now　they　were　more　authentically　a　couple。　

　That？s　some　couple。　

？I　already　have　this　yellow　Tocca　dress　I　really　like；　anyway。　Maybe　I　could　bleach　it　or　
something；？　she　continued　distractedly。　

Then　Nate？s　mind　began　to　wander；　too；　to　his　final　history　term　paper。

　Talk　about　multitasking！　

He　was　writing　about　the　origins　of　lacrosse；　but　would　his　history　teacher；　Mr。　Knoeder；　aka　Mr。　
No　Dick；　think　it　was　un…PC　or　whatever　to　write　about　an　old　Native　American　sport　without　
really　dealing　with　the　politics　of　how　the　Indians　had　been　treated　in　colonial　times　and　all　that？　
After　all；　Nate　was　going　to　Yale　next　year　toplay　lacrosse；　not　to　bee　some　kind　of　
lacrossehistorian。　

　Obviously。　

He　propped　himself　up　on　one　elbow　and　tugged　a　tissue　out　of　his　navy　blue　canvas　Jack　Spade　
book　bag。　He？d　grown　accustomed　to　carrying　tissues。　

？Maybe　we　should　have　gone　to　Bendel？s　to　look　for　dresses　instead　of　here；？　Serena　mused；　
fingering　the　buttons　on　one　of　the　suits。　

Nah；　their　dressing　rooms　aren？t　nearly　as　big。　

See　b　die　and　go　to　heaven　

Why　Blair　had　never　been　inside　the　Madison　Avenue　Oscar　de　la　Renta　boutique　before　was　
beyond　her。　The　boutique　was　modeled　after　Mr。　de　la　Renta？s　home　in　the　Dominican　Republic；　
with　imported　Dominican　coral　stone　walls；　plaster　palm　trees；　and　a　shoe　display　set　up　like　a　
catwalk。　The　eveningwear　was　hung　in　a　special　lounge　furnished　with　love　seats　from　de　la　


Renta？s　furniture　collection。　Too　bad　Blair　wasn？t　in　the　market　for　a　black　tulle　ball　gown　or　she　
would　have　tackled　Marcus　and　pulled　him　down　on　one　of　the　toile　love　seats　just　to　thank　him　
for　taking　her　there。　

？Hello；　Marthe；？　Marcus　greeted　the　amazingly　beautiful；　Amazon…like；　Latina　saleswoman。　She　
was　wearing　a　gold　pouf　skirt　and　a　tight；　hot　pink　short…sleeved　sweater　that　were　simultaneously　
fifties　retro　and　ultramodern。　

At　first　Blair？s　hackles　rose　and　she　started　to　bare　her　fangs；　but　then　she　quickly　realized　that　
being　jealous　of　anyone　that　impossibly　tall；　curvy；　and　gorgeous　would　be　a　total　waste　of　time。　

？Miss　Waldorf　is　looking　for　a　gown　in　white；？　Marcus　explained；　putting　his　arm　around　Blair　
and　totally　erasing　any　jealous　or　irrational　thoughts　she？d　ever　had；　or　ever　would　have。　

　Wow；　heis　good。　

Marthe　nodded　seriously　and　led　them　to　a　rack　of　white　goddess　gowns　that　would　have　looked　
stunning　on　Marthe；　but　that　Blair　already　knew　would　make　her　look　like　a　fat　runt　with　no　real　
cleavage　to　speak　of。　She　was　about　to　protest；　but　Marcus？bless　him？had　already　figured　it　out。　

？What　about　one　of　those　suits？？　he　asked；　walking　over　to　finger　an　exquisite　pleated　white　
satin　skirt。　The　skirt　was　paired　with　a　fitted　white　satin　jacket　that　sported　the　most　perfect　white　
leather　belt　around　the　waist；　fastened　with　a　nifty　white　leather　bow。　

？You　have　the　perfect　figure　for　his　suits；？　Marthe　declared　in　a　wonderful；　thick　accent。　She　
strode　over　to　the　rack　and　selected　three　of　the　suits　for　Blair　to　try　on。　？And　you　are　a　size　four；　I　
am　sure。？　

？Maybe　she　is　even　a　size　two；？　a　sonorous　male　voice　chimed　in　from　behind　them。　

Blair　whirled　around；　her　heart　already　aflutter　at　being　mistaken　for　a　size　two；　and　nearly　
choked　on　her　own　saliva　when　she　saw　who　it　was。　Standing　just　a　few　feet　away　from　her　was　
Oscar　de　la　Renta　himself；　wearing　a　perfectly　tailored　gray　suit；　a　starched　white　shirt；　and　a　pink　
tie；　his　handsome　bald　head　looking　like　it　had　been　oiled　with　olive　oil；　his　gray…black　eyebrows　
smoldering。　Blair　had　seen　him　hundreds　of　times　in　the　pages　of　fashion　magazines　and　in　the　
society　columns　but　never　in　person。　And　for　an　old　man；　he　was　supremely　sexy。　

？Ah；　Mr。　de　la　Renta；？　Marthe　greeted　her　boss　with　a　warm　smile。　？Miss　Waldorf　will　wear　your　
suits　well；　no？？　

Mr。　de　la　Renta　looked　Blair　up　and　down　and　then　flashed　her　an　appreciative　smile。　？Very　well；？　
he　agreed。　He　turned　to　Marcus。　？I　missed　your　mother　in　Milan。？　

？Hello；　Uncle　Oscar。？　Marcus　smiled　broadly；　stepped　forward；　and　embraced　the　designer；　


hugging　him　affectionately。　Blair　nearly　threw　up　all　over　the　beautiful　floor。　

　Uncle　Oscar！？　

Marcus　chuckled　and　then　touched　her　arm。　？He？s　not　really　my　uncle；　but　he　may　as　well　be。　
My　mother　won？t　wear　anything　but　the　clothes　Uncle　Oscar　makes　for　her。？　

Who　could　blame　her？　

For　once；　Blair　was　speechless。　She　felt　exactly　like　Dorothy　inThe　Wizard　of　Oz　when　she　
wakes　up　after　the　Kansas　cyclone　and　finds　herself　in　Munchkinland；　confronted　by　Glinda；　the　
beautiful；　good　witch。　Except　that　Blair　wasn？t　nearly　as　fat　as　Judy　Garland。She　was　a　sizetwo　！　

？This　way；　Miss　Waldorf；？　Marthe　instructed；　leading　the　way　to　a　large　jade　green？curtained　
dressing　room。　She　hung　up　four　suits　on　the　hooks　inside？two　in　size　four　and　two　in　size　two。　

？Don？t　worry；　I？ll　fit　her；　Marthe；？　Mr。　de　la　Renta　called　after　them。　？Let　me　just　find　my　
measuring　tape。？　

Blair　was　convinced　she　was　dreaming；　so　whatever　Mr。　de　la　Renta　said　was　fine　with　her。　
Marthe　helped　her　into　a　size　two　skirt；　which　fit　her　like　a　dream；　but　as　soon　as　she　slipped　her　
arms　into　the　sleeves　of　the　size　two　jacket；　it　was　clear　that　the　shoulders　were　going　to　be　too　
tight。　Marthe　sped　it　for　the　four；　fastened　the　bow　on　the　narrow　leather　belt；　and　then　threw　
open　the　curtain。　

　Ta…da！　

Blair　put　her　hands　on　her　hips　and　strutted　out　of　the　dressing　room　like　a　runway　model；　
swishing　the　pleated　skirt　from　side　to　side；　a　huge　grin　plastered　to　her　face。　Why　hadn？t　she　
thought　of　wearing　a　suit　like　this　before？　Not　that　therewere　many　suits　like　this　one。　It　was　
elegant　and　tarty　at　the　same　time？totally　chic；　but　most　of　all；　unique。　

？Blimey；？　Marcus　breathed。　？You？re　stunning。？　

And　so　are　you！Blair　almost　blurted　out。　Not　only　was　Lord　Marcus　breathtakingly　handsome　
and　royal；　he　was　bosom　buddies　with　the　most　amazing　fashion　designer　in　the　universe。　

Mr。　de　la　Renta　frowned　and　shook　out　his　measuring　tape。　？The　waist　is　all　wrong；？　he　fretted；　
tugging　on　Blair？s　jacket。　？And　the　bodice　is　too　high。？　He　undid　the　belt　and　unfastened　the　
buttons　on　the　jacket；　yanking　it　roughly　away　from　Blair？s　arms。　？You　may　keep　the　skirt；　darling。　
But　please；　may　I　make　you　a　jacket　that　fits？？

　May　he？　


Blair　wished　Serena　or　one　of　her　other　classmates　would　walk　by　and　see　her　standing　in　the　
middle　of　the　Oscar　de　la　Renta　boutique　wearing　only　her　shell　pink　La　Perla　bra　and　one　
of　？Uncle　Oscar？s？　gorgeous　pleated　skirts；　getting　fitted　for　her　graduation　outfit　by　Oscar　de　la　
Rentahimself　。　She　glanced　at　Marcus；　who　grinned　back　at　her　and　then　silently　placed　his　right　
hand　over　his　heart；　his　emerald　green　eyes　shining　with　adoration。　

Whoa。　

Blair　had　to　force　herself　not　to　pee　in　her　pants。　She　was　so　happy；　she　wasn？t　sure　if　she　could　
stand　it。　

？Hold　still；？　Mr。　de　la　Renta　instructed　as　he　lifted　her　arms　and　slipped　his　measuring　tape　
around　her　34Bs。　Maybe　it　was　the　fact　that　she　was　surrounded　by　beautiful　men　and　beautiful　
clothes；　but　Blair　had　the　most　ridiculous　urge　to　lick　his　shiny；　sexy；　bald　head。　She　giggled；　
wobbling　a　little　in　her　bare　feet　as　he　slid　the　measuring　tape　down　to　measure　her　hips。　？Hold　
still！？　

She　squeezed　her　eyes　shut　and　did　her　best　not　to　move；　truly　believing　that　when　she　opened　
them　again；　she？d　find　she？d　died　and　gone　to　heaven。　

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Disclaimer：　All　the　real　names　of　places；　people；　and　events　have　been　altered　or　abbreviated　to　
protect　the　innocent。　Namely；　me。　

　hey　people！　

　Open　call　

In　case　you　haven？t　heard；　that　weirdo　indie　film　director　Ken　Mogul　has　realized　no　one　is　ever　
going　to　pay　much　attention　to　him　until　he　makes　a　big　blockbuster　movie；　and　so　he　is　making　
one。　He？s　also　on　a　mission　to　discover　the　next　hot　young　actress；　so　he？s　having　an　open　call　for　
his　new　feature　film；Breakfast　at　Fred？s；　at　the　restaurant　of　the　same　name　in　Barneys　this　
Saturday。　The　movie　is　a　remake　ofBreakfast　at　Tiffany？s　with　an　entirely　teenage　cast。　Guess　
who？s　going　to　be　first　in　line　to　try　out？　And　guess　who　absolutely　cannot　act？　

But　guess　who　can？？！　


Hmmm　？　will　they　choose　the　girl　who　definitely　knows　how　to　make　herself　look　the　part　but　
has　no　talent；　or　the　girl　with　talent　who　doesn？t　look　anything　like　Audrey　Hepburn？　Sounds　like　
one　of　those　vacuous　catchphrases　fromAmerica？s　Next　Top　Model　；　my　all…time　favorite　
love…to…hate…it　show。　

Prestigious　boarding　school　to　expand　art　curriculum　

Aren？t　I　just　full　of　all　the　latest　news？　Anyhoo；　in　caseanyone？s　interested；　Waverly　Prep；　a　
prestigious　boarding　school　in　the　upper　Hudson　Valley；　is　looking　for　budding　young　Picassos　
and　Monets。　They？re　expecting　a　rush　of　artsy　new　applicants　this　fall；　but　we　know　of　one　
particular　still…schoolless　soon…to…be…sophomore　who　simply　can？t　wait　that　long。　（You　don？t　
really　want　to　go　to　public　school；　do　you；J　？）　

Celebrity　body　doubles　

Britney？s　got　one。　Leonardo？s　got　one。　And　even　some　of　the　regulars　on　New　York？s　society　
circuit　have　them。　Apparently　fashion　designer　Oscar　de　la　Renta　is　so　much　in　demand　at　parties　
all　over　the　world　that　he　sends　his　clones　to　the　parties　he　doesn？t　care　to　attend；　and　to　his　
Madison　Avenue　boutique　to　keep　the　staff　on　their　toes。　His　body　doubles　are　all　relatives　of　his　
from　the　Dominican　Republic；　and　some　of　them　even　have　his　name；　so　it　really　isn？t　a　stretch　
for　them　to　impersonate　their　famous　cousin。　N