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She　salts　my　beef；　stirs　my　gumbo；　spits　out　my　pit。　

Uh…oh。　Sounds　like　he　was　a　rock　star　for　one　day　too　many。　

？The　class　voted　for　you　and　you　alone；？　Larry　explained。　？You　should　feel　extremely　honored。？　

Dan　was　mystified。　He　pushed　his　chair　back；　crossed　his　grubby　blue　Pumas　one　over　the　other；　
and　shoved　his　hands　into　the　pockets　of　his　worn…in　khaki…colored　cords。　？But　I　didn？t　even　
nominate　myself；？　he　blurted　out。　

Way　to　make　it　obvious　that　you　have　no　friends。　

Snickers　erupted　throughout　the　room。　

？It？s　like；　you？re　a　celebrity；　man；　and　we　want　you　to　represent　us；？　Chuck　Bass　explained　in　a　
mock　stoner　voice。　Chuck？s　pet　snow　monkey；　Sweetie；　was　curled　up　in　a　fuzzy　white　ball　in　
Chuck？s　lap；　asleep；　wearing　his　favorite　tight；　cantaloupe…colored　T…shirt　with　a　bright　pinkS　on　
the　back　of　it。　Everyone；　even　the　teachers；　had　gotten　so　used　to　the　monkey；　they　didn？t　bat　an　
eye；　but　Sweetie　still　gave　Dan　the　creeps。　

？We　figured　it？d　be　easy　for　you；　since　you？re　writing　all　the　time　anyway；？　Chuck　continued　
sarcastically。　More　snickers。　

Dan　tipped　his　chair　back。　？Wait。　Let　me　get　this　straight。You　nominated　me？？　

Chuck　flipped　up　the　collar　on　his　bright　purple　short…sleeved　Lacoste　shirt。　？It？s　like　Larry　said。　
It　was　unanimous。？　


Dan？s　hands　began　to　sweat。　Senior　speaker　was　an　honor；　but　he　felt　like　he？d　gotten　it　by　
default。　He　certainly　wasn？t　the　most　popular　guy　in　the　class。　He？d　spent　his　entire　senior　year　
either　trying　to　bee　famous　or　hanging　out　with　his　former　best　friend　and　girlfriend；　Vanessa；　
in　Williamsburg；　Brooklyn。　He　guessed　all　the　other　guys　in　his　class　were　going　to　be　too　busy　
partying　or　trying　not　to　fail　their　finals　to　bother　writing　a　graduation　speech。　

？Just　keep　it　light。　And　remember；　everyone　just　wants　that　diploma　in　his　hands；　so　keep　it　short；　
too；？　Larry　advised；　pulling　on　his　lame　dirty　blond　goatee　like　the　wannabe　teenage　boy　he　so　
totally　wasn？t。　

？Okay；？　Dan　responded　dubiously。　It　appeared　he　had　no　choice　in　the　matter。　

Chuck　tapped　him　on　the　shoulder。　？So　guess　what？　That　dykey　girlfriend　of　yours？　I　heard　
she？s　gonna　be　single　again。　Her　？better　half？　is　totally　moving　out。？　

Meaning　Vanessa　or　Aaron？　Dan　wasn？t　even　sure　any…more　who　Vanessa　was　living　with。　All　
he　knew　was　it　wasn？t　him。　His　perspiration…soaked　hands　began　to　shake　with　a　mixture　of　
confusion　and　happiness。　Maybe　Vanessa　had　broken　up　with　Aaron。　But　they　were　so　in　love。　
They　even　had　matching　haircuts。　He　scribbled　a　series　of　check　marks　across　the　top　of　the　page　
he？d　been　writing　on。　Vanessa　broke　up　with　Aaron！？　

？So　I　take　it　you？re　accepting　the　nomination；？　Larry　persisted；　tapping　his　pencil　annoyingly　
against　his　wooden　teacher　desk。　？All　in　favor　say；　？Yeah！？？　

？Dude！？the　class　of　boys　responded　in　unison；　perpetuating　the　not…so…funny　tradition　that　had　
started　on　the　first　day　of　senior　year。　Dan　blanched　as　they　began　to　whoop　and　shriek　in　a　
pletely　unnecessary　display　of　fake　enthusiasm。　？Go；　Dan！？　

The　minute　the　bell　rang；　Dan　called　Vanessa　to　tell　her　how　sorry　he　was。　

　Yeah；　right。　

？Talk　about　misinformation！？　Vanessa　ranted。　？Where　do　people　get　this　shit？　So；　how　are　you　
anyway？？　she　asked；　sounding　kind　of　glad　to　hear　from　him。　

？I　was　just　voted　senior　speaker；？　Dan　admitted；　like　he？d　been　campaigning　for　it　for　weeks。　
Secretly；　he　was　dying　inside　that　Vanessa　and　Aaron　were　still　together；　but　he　wasn？t　about　to　let　
her　know　that。　

？Senior　speaker？　What　the　fuck！？　Vanessa　responded。　？Wait；　is　that　a　good　thing？？　

　？I　guess。？　

？Look；　I　have　photo　lab　now；　but　do　you　want　to　e　over　later　or　something？？　


Dan　pressed　his　cell　phone　against　his　ear　until　it　began　to　hurt。　A　group　of　freshmen　boys　almost　
sent　him　toppling　down　the　stairs　in　their　rush　to　lunch。　All　of　a　sudden　he　realized　just　how　lonely　
he？d　been。　Was　it　really　possible　that　he　and　Vanessa　could　be　friends　again；　just　like　that；　with　
one　phone　call？　

And　if　they　could　be　friends　again；　there　was　always　the　chance　they　could　be　more。　

？Will　Aaron　be　there？？　he　asked　cautiously　as　he　wandered　down　the　fourth…floor　hallway　
toward　English　class。　A　random；　lint…covered　rubber　band　was　in　his　pocket。　He　pulled　his　
scraggly；　light　brown　hair　into　a　stubby　ponytail　and　then　pulled　it　out　again；　dropping　the　rubber　
band　on　the　floor。　His　dad；　Rufus；　was　Mr。　Ponytail　Freak；　not　him。　

？Aaron　has　band　practice；？　Vanessa　told　him　casually。　？Not　that　you　couldn？t　e　over　even　if　
he　were　here。？

　Hello；　threesome？！　

Dan　felt　like　a　window　was　swinging　open　and　a　cool　breeze　was　sweeping　his　face。　？I？m　
supposed　to　go　to　this　stupid　AP　history　cram　session　for　our　final　next　week；　but　I　could　skip　it。？　

Chuck　Bass？s　monkey　scampered　past　him　down　the　hall　with　a　half…eaten　bag　of　Smart　Puffs　in　
his　mouth。　Chuck　was　too　busy　dabbing　Aveda　pomade　into　his　freshly　highlighted　hair　in　front　of　
the　full…length　mirror　he？d　installed　inside　his　locker　to　even　notice。　

？Okay；　I？m　in　photo　lab　now。　As　usual；　everyone　else　cut　except　me。　They？re　all　probably　at　
some　stupid　sample　sale　or　something。　Shopping　for　their　stupid　white　wedding？I　mean；　
graduation　gowns　or　whatever。Fuck！　？　Vanessa　exclaimed；　sounding　like　she？d　stumbled　into　
something。　？It？s　dark　in　here。？　

Dan？s　ear　was　sweating　now。　？I　wish　I　were　there；？　he　blurted　out；　unable　to　stop　himself。　

？Me　too；？　Vanessa　responded　eagerly。　？Seriously。？　Wait；　was　sheflirting　with　him？　

？So　maybe　I　will　e　over　later；？　he　ventured。　？Dad　and　Jenny　are　away　anyway；　so　I　don？t　
have　to　be　home　at　any　particular　time。？　

Is　that　so？　

？Cool。？　Vanessa　sounded　distracted　now。　？Look；　I？m　gonna　do　something　dumb　like　drink　fixer　
instead　of　my　tea　if　I　don？t　hang　up　now。　I？ll　see　you　later；　okay？？　

Dan　could　hardly　wait。　？Yeah；　okay。？　He　hung　up。　Down　the　hall　Sweetie　was　peeing　on　the　
marble　floor　in　front　of　the　door　to　the　history　department　offices。　Dan　grinned　at　him。　


　Good　boy。　

D　rethinks　his　summer　plans　

Dan？s　cigarette　hand　shook　violently　as　he　watched　his　sister　disappear　into　the　men？s　room；　
followed　by　that　arrogant　stoner　prince　of　the　Upper　East　Side；　Nate　Archibald。　Jenny　seemed　to　
be　getting　bolder　and　more　self…assured　as　the　year　progressed；　while　he　seemed　to　be　regressing　
back　to　the　girl…less；　friendless　loser　he？d　been　up　until　this　year。　She？d　even　wrangled　her　way　
into　boarding　school　way　after　admissions　for　next　year　were　closed；　while　he？d　whittled　his　
options　down　to　nothing。　

The　music　was　really　loud　now；　and　Vanessa　and　Serena　had　inspired　half　the　room　to　get　up　and　
dance。　Vanessa　had　kicked　off　her　wedge…heeled　shoes；　baring　her　black…polished　toes　and　pale；　
deeply　arched　feet。　Dan　loved　to　kiss　the　arches　of　her　feet。　He　could　write　sonnets　about　the　
arches　of　her　feet。　But　that　was　back　when　Vanessa　didn？t　drink　or　dance　or　wear　white　or　
anything　but　black　jeans；　black　kneesocks；　and　Doc　Martens。　She　seemed　so　different　now？if　he　
were　to　write　a　poem　about　her；　he　wasn？t　sure　where　he？d　begin。　

Vanessa　danced　over　to　him　and　snaked　her　arms　around　his　neck。　Her　pale　skin　was　slick　was　
sweat　and　her　eyelids　were　heavy　from　all　the　vodka　she？d　consumed。　？I　do　love　you；　Dan。　I　
really　do；？　she　breathed　hotly　into　his　ear　before　shimmying　away　again；　her　whole　body　aglow。　
Dan　stared　after　her；　honestly　believing　that　she　did　love　him。　She　just　didn？t　need　him　with　
her？not　all　the　time。　She　was　too　busy　shedding　her　lumpy　black　cocoon　and　transforming　into　a　
shimmering；　white…winged　moth。　

But　he？d　already　deferred　his　admission　at　Evergreen。　What　was　he　supposed　to　do　now？　

Lighting　a　Camel；　he　thought　about　barging　into　the　men？s　room　to　rescue　Jenny　just　for　old　
times？　sake　and　because　such　a　noble　act　might　make　him　feel　better；　but　he　was　sick　of　always　
being　the　responsible　older　brother。　Why　couldn？t　someone　rescuehim　for　a　change？　

　Okay。　

？Son？　Can　I　talk　to　you　for　a　moment？？　

Dan　dropped　his　cigarette　on　the　burgundy…and…gold　oriental　carpet；　nearly　jumping　out　of　his　
faded　blue　Vans　sneakers　in　surprise。　It　was　his　dad；　in　his　favorite　purple　cotton　sweatpants　and　
black　Mets　T…shirt；　looking　ruddy…cheeked　from　too　much　red　wine。　

？I　guess；？　Dan　responded　slowly。　The　music　in　the　lounge　was　absurdly　loud。　Dan　led　Rufus　


outside。　Out　on　Vanderbilt　Avenue；　the　air　was　steamy　and　the　sidewalks　glittered　black。　Across　
the　street；　Grand　Central　Station　looked　like　a　giant　relic　of　the　city？s　past。　A　metallic　blue　？77　
Buick　Skylark？another　relic　from　the　past？was　parked　outside　the　Yale　Club；　looking　pletely　
out　of　place。　Two　skinny　L？？cole　girls　were　sitting　on　the　curb　having　a　fight　over　who　was　
prettier　or　who　smoked　Gauloises　with　more　panache。　Behind　them；　their　gold　Gucci　toe…ring　
sandals　lay　discarded　in　a　pile。　Suddenly　they　started　kissing。　

？Jesus；？　Rufus　muttered；　tugging　on　his　matted　salt…and…pepper　beard；　which　resembled　a　used　
Brillo　pad。　

？What；　Dad？？　Dan　whined　impatiently。　It　was　kind　of　embarrassing　standing　outside　the　party　
with　his　father。　He　felt　like　he　was　eleven　years　old。　

Rufus　tucked　his　hands　inside　the　stretched…out　waistband　of　his　purple　sweatpants　and　Dan　
flinched　at　how　unattractive　the　gesture　was。　

？After　you　left　you　got　a　call　from　some　raving　Greek　professor　at　Evergreen。　First　he　was　going　
nuts　about　how　you　were　supposed　to　sleep　in　his　hammock　and　eat　grape　leaves　with　him；　but　
then　he　started　waxing　philosophical　about　how　kids　your　age　can？t　differentiate　between　sex　and　
love。　Apparently　he？s　quite　an　expert　on　the　subject。　

？Anyway；　I　talked　to　him　for　a　while；　and　what　it　came　down　to　was；　he？s　going　to　make　them　
hold　your　place　open　for　the　fall　a）　because　I　asked　him　to　and　b）　because　he　was　supposed　to　be　
your　advisor　and　he　wants　you　to　help　him　with　his　book　and　c）　because　we　both　like　you；　even　
though　you？re　a　knucklehead。？　

Dan　resented　his　dad？s　fond；　vaguely　patronizing　tone。　？You　can？t　tell　me　what　to　do；？　he　
countered；　crossing　his　hands　over　his　chest　and　sounding　younger　by　the　minute。　？You　can？t。？　

？That？s　true；？　Rufus　agreed。　He　gestured　toward　the　funky　vintage　Buick　parked　outside　the　Yale　
Club。　？But　I　already　got　you　the　car。　The　least　you　could　do　is　let　me　teach　you　how　to　drive　it　this　
summer　and　then　get　the　hell　out　of　here。？　

Dan　had　read　about　epiphanies　and　written　about　epiphanies；　but　he？d　never　actually　had　one。　
He？d　gotten　into　nearly　every　college　he　applied　to。　He？d　had　a　poem　published　in　theNew　
Yorker　。　And　what　was　he　going　to　do　next　year？work　at　a　bookstore　or　wait　tables　to　keep　busy　
while　Vanessa　was　in　class？　

？I　could　take　the　summer　to　work　things　out；？　he　allowed；　unwilling　to　let　his　father　think　he　
could　be　that　easily　persuaded。　He　and　Vanessa　could　spend　the　summer　hanging　out　whenever　
she　wasn？t　busy　working　on　that　movie　and　he　wasn？t　busy　driving　around　in　that　？　chick　magnet。　
Who　knew？　Maybe　there？d　be　other　girls　to　love　besides　Vanessa？all　he　had　to　do　was　get　his　
license　and　drive　out　west　to　find　out。　


Rufus　reached　out　to　clap　him　on　the　back；　but　Dan　opened　up　his　arms　and　gave　his　dad　a　
hug。　？This　party　was　kind　of　lame　anyway；？　he　confessed。　

Rufus　grunted　and　led　him　over　to　the　car；　which　was　basking　in　its　own　coolness　under　a　
streetlamp　near　the　curb。　？Then　how　？bout　I　give　you　your　first　driving　lesson？？　

Aw。　Don？t　you　just　love　happy　endings？　

Sex；　drugs；　and　rock？n？roll　

Jenny　latched　the　door　to　the　handicapped　stall　in　the　men？s　room；　unsure　of　whether　to　take　off　
her　clothes　or　fish　the　tab　of　E　out　of　her　purse。　There　was　an　impatient　flare　to　Nate？s　nostrils　but　
she　wasn？t　sure　which　he　wanted　first；　sex　or　drugs。　

She　unzipped　her　black　LeSportsac　with　the　white　Persian　cats　on　it　and　clicked　open　her　
matching　change　purse。　？Here　it　is。？　She　removed　the　tiny　piece　of　Saran　Wrap　with　the　pill　inside　
and　carefully　began　to　unfold　it。　

Nate　peered　over　her　shoulder。　？Do　you　want　to　take　it　or　should　I？？　

Jenny　didn？t　want　it；　and　he　obviously　did。　？You　take　i