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sounded　French。　He　remembered　being　drunk　at　a　random　party　at　that　guy　Dan　Humphrey？s　
house　over　on　the　West　Side　back　in　ninth　or　tenth　grade　and　letting　Blair　and　Serena　draw　a　face　
on　his　bare　stomach　with　a　black　indelible　marker。　They？d　named　the　face　Buck　Naked；　and　each　
girl　had　kissed　Buck　repeatedly　over　the　course　of　the　evening；　even　after　Nate　passed　out。　

Those　were　the　days。　

Suddenly　Nate　became　filled　with　dread。　What　if　he？d　already　had　all　the　fun　he　was　ever　going　
to　have？　What　if　it　was　all　downhill　from　here？　

And　what　if　he？d　gotten　more　and　more　stupid　with　each　year　of　high　school　instead　of　smarter？　
That　can　happen　when　you　remain　stoned　most　of　your　life。　

Tears　began　to　ooze　slowly　down　his　golden　cheeks。　Everybody　else　at　the　party　seemed　so　
happy　and　so　excited　about　their　future；　but　he　wasn？t　really　sure　what　he　had　to　look　forward　to　
anymore。　

J　considers　losing　it　before　boarding　school　

Parties　had　always　seemed　intimidating　to　Jenny？especially　parties　where　the　majority　of　the　
girls　were　normal…chested　and　taller；　prettier；　and　more　confident　than　she　was。　But　now　that　she　
was　into　boarding　school；　Jenny　felt　like　the　possibilities？at　least；　the　possibilities　forher　？were　


multitudinous。　She　didn？t　have　to　be　tiny　little　Jenny　Humphrey；　the　curly…haired　artistic　girl　with　
the　knobby　knees　and　gigantic　boobs。　Next　year　at　Waverly　she　could　be　Jennifer　Humphrey；　the　
outrageously　confident　boy　magnet；　coolest　girl　in　the　sophomore　class；　or　maybe　even　the　whole　
school。　

　Maybe。　

And　if　she　was　going　to　change　her　image；　it　seemed　prudent　that　she　do　something　drastic；　like　
lose　her　virginity。　

Whoa。　

She？d　been　watching　Nate　Archibald　for　a　while　now。　He　seemed　different　than　when　he？d　
broken　her　heart　on　New　Year？s　Eve。　He　was　crying；　for　one　thing；　and　his　shoulders　were　
slumped；　like　he？d　gotten　some　bad　news　and　hadn？t　been　able　to　shake　it。　Even　the　glitter　
seemed　to　have　left　his　emerald　green　eyes。　She　could　hardly　resist　the　urge　to　give　him　a　hug。　

？Hi；　Nate；？　she　squeaked；　boldly　touching　him　on　the　shoulder。　？Remember　me？？　

With　that　chest？　Even　the　stonedest　boy　could　hardly　forget。　

Nate　scrubbed　his　hands　over　his　blotchy　face　and　attempted　a　smile。　？Howdy；　Jennifer；？　he　
greeted　her；　with　the　sort　of　tired　cheerfulness　of　someone　who？s　had　kind　of　a　rough　day　and　
doesn？t　much　feel　like　talking。　

？So　you？re　all　done　with　school　and　everything？？　Jenny　persisted。　She　was　acutely　aware　that　
from　his　angle　Nate　was　looking　up　at　the　shelflike　undersides　of　her　gigantic　breasts；　which　were　
stuffed　into　a　stretchy　black　Anthropologie　halter　top　with　a　built…in　Lycra　bra。　He　probably　
couldn？t　even　see　her　face。　She　squatted　down　beside　him；　teetering　slightly　on　her　baby　blue　
BCBG　kitten…heel　slides。　？I？m　going　to　boarding　school　at　Waverly　Prep　next　year；？　she　blurted　
out。　？I　totally　can？t　wait！？　

Nate　was　sort　of　surprised　that　Jennifer　wanted　to　talk　to　him　at　all；　but　he　was　grateful　because　it　
meant　he　didn？t　have　to　avoid　talking　to　Lexie　anymore。　？That？s　a　good　school。？　

？Yeah；　and　I　don？t　ever　have　to　wear　a　stupid　Constance　uniform　again；？　Jenny　added　excitedly；　
already　regretting　how　petulant　and　childish　she　sounded。　Then　she　remembered　something　that　
wouldn？t　make　her　sound　childish　at　all。　She　inched　a　little　closer　to　Nate？s　ear。　He　smelled　like　
freshly　laundered　shirt　and　that　heart…stoppingly　delicious　Herm？s　cologne　he　always　wore。　？I　
have　a　tab　of　E　in　my　bag。　Someone　gave　it　to　me　at　the　Croton　School　when　I　was　visiting。　I　
don？t　even　know　if　we　can　even　split　one　tab；　but　？？　She　smiled　her　coyest　e…hither　smile。　

What　a　flirt；　what　a　risk…taker　the　new；　on…her…way…to…boarding…school　Jenny　Humphrey　was！　


Nate　blinked。　Jennifer　wasn？t　just　talking　to　him；　she　was　flirting　with　him？hard。　What；　did　she　
think　he？d　just　gulp　down　a　tab　of　E　and　hook　up　with　her　right　in　the　middle　of　the　Yale　Club　
lounge；　surrounded　by　everyone　he　knew；　including　his　ex…girlfriend　Blair　and　his　
he…wasn？t…really…sure…but…he…figured…she…was…probably…soon…to…be…ex…girlfriend　Serena？　

Had　that　ever　stopped　him　before？　

Nate　had　only　taken　Ecstasy　a　couple　of　times　with　Charlie；　Anthony；　and　Jeremy；　but　both　times　
he？d　enjoyed　himself　immensely。　There　was　nothing　like　that　good；　groovy；　E　feeling？until　it　wore　
off　and　you　were　tired　and　dehydrated　and　just　wanted　to　float　in　a　bucket　of　Poland　Spring。　He　
was　definitely　feeling　lower　right　now　than　he　ever　had　in　his　entire　life。　Maybe　a　little　E　with　
little　Jennifer　Humphrey？who　seemed　to　be　getting　even　cuter　with　age？was　just　what　he　needed。　

Jenny　could　see　that　Nate　was　tempted。　Empowered　by　her　ability　to　snare　hot　older　boys　with　
her　seductive　ways；　she　breathed　lustily　into　his　ear。　？Let？s　go　into　the　bathroom　and　do　it。？　

Hello？　Does　she　not　remember　what　happened　the　last　time　she　was　alone　in　a　bathroom　with　a　
horny　older　boy？　

What　you　choose　not　to　hear　can？t　hurt　you　

Blair　was　in　a　stall　in　one　of　the　Yale　Club？s　pristine　and　elegant　gold…accented　ladies？　rooms；　
wondering　at　the　fact　that　she　hadn？t　made　herself　sick　in　over　a　month；　when　she　heard　the　first　
worrying　rumors。　

　？I　heard　he　wasn？t　even　a　real　lord。　He？s　just　this　English　guy　who　came　over　here　and　
pretended　to　be　this　big　aristocrat。　I　bet　he　doesn？t　go　on　fox　hunts　or　wear　a　top　hat　and　tails　to　
dinner　or　anything　like　that；？　Laura　Salmon　blathered　from　the　stall　next　to　Blair？s。　

？I　just　think　it？s　really　shitty　of　him。　I　mean；　if　he？s　engaged　to　some　girl　in　England；　that　means　
he？s　actually　cheating　on　both　of　them；？　Kati　Farkas　replied　carelessly　as　she　spritzed　her　hair　
with　a　sample…size　bottle　of　Frederick　Fekkai　hairspray　for　the　third　time　that　night。　？I　just　love　
the　way　this　stuff　smells。　Don？t　you　love　the　way　it　smells？　I　even　put　in　on　my　clothes　sometimes；　
even　though　I　know　that？s　kind　of　gross。　I　mean；　it？s　hairspray！？　

Blair　kept　the　pleated　satin　skirt　of　her　white　Oscar　de　la　Renta　suit　hitched　up　so　the　girls　
wouldn？t　recognize　it。Were　they　talking　about　Lord　Marcus？　

？I　just　think　someone　should　tell　her；？　Laura　declared　before　flushing。　She　pushed　the　stall　door　
open　and　began　to　wash　her　hands　with　the　L？Occitane　lemon　peel　foam　hand　wash　provided　by　
the　Yale　Club。　？Don？t　you？？　


？Totally；？　Kati　agreed。　

Like　they？d　ever　have　the　nerve。　

Blair　waited　until　they？d　gone　before　pushing　open　the　stall　door。　Her　stomach　was　roiling　from　
all　the　vodka　and　champagne　she？d　drunk　in　the　last　few　hours；　but　she　wasn？t　about　to　resort　to　
puking　and　risk　splattering　the　skirt　of　her　exquisite　suit。　

What　do　they　know　about　Marcus？she　fumed。　Their　petty　jealousy　was　so　transparent；　it　made　
her　even　more　nauseous　just　thinking　about　it。　Of　course　he　was　a　lord。　Hadn？t　they　noticed　his　
wonderful　scuff…free　Church？s　shoes？　The　flawless　way　his　hair　was　cut？　The　tailor…made　seams　
of　his　Savile　Row　shirts？　Hadn？t　they　heard　the　way　he　called　her　？gorgeous？　and　？darling？　and　
kissed　her　hand　like　it　was　the　most　natural　thing　in　the　world？　There？d　been　no　mention　of　a　
fianc？e　when　Blair　had　Googled　him。　No　fucking　way　was　he　engaged？to　anyone　but　her。　She　
closed　her　eyes　dreamily。　Lady　Blair　Rhodes？it　did　have　a　nice　ring　to　it。　

The　bathroom　door　swung　open　and　Isabel　Coates　marched　in；　looking　frazzled　because　her　
white　satin　Dior　hair　clip　had　e　loose　while　she　was　dancing。　Isabel　was　always　such　a　freak　
about　her　hair；　Blair　wondered　why　she　didn？t　just　cut　it　all　off。　

？Oh。　You？re　in　here；？　Isabel　observed；　making　it　obvious　that　she？d　just　been　part　of　Kati？s　and　
Laura？s　ongoing　dissection　of　the　so…called　Lord　Marcus。　？I　guess　I　should　be　the　one　to　tell　you。？　
She　lowered　her　voice　to　let　Blair　know　that　what　she　had　to　tell　her　was　extremely　
important。　？Before　you　get　hurt。？　

Like　she　actually　cared？　

Blair　narrowed　her　blue　eyes；　glaring　icily　at　Isabel？s　reflection　in　the　gilt…framed　mirror。　？Tell　
me　what？？　

Isabel　tucked　a　few　stray　brown　hairs　behind　her　ears；　then　frowned　and　ripped　out　the　hair　clip；　
starting　all　over　again。　

Blair　thought　her　cutoff　jeans　and　ripped　red　Juicy　T…shirt　made　her　look　tacky　and　desperate；　
like　Paris　Hilton。　

？That　Lord　Marcus　guy　is　married；？　Isabel　told　her　matter…of…factly；　wincing　with　effort　as　she　
tried　to　get　her　ponytail　pletely　smooth　and　lump…free。　

Blair　smeared　Chanel　Stroppy　lip　gloss　over　her　lips　for　the　seventh　time　in　five　minutes。　She　
was　so　mad；　she　thought　she　just　might　throw　up　after　all。？Bullshit。？　

Isabel　rolled　her　curly…lashed　brown　eyes　and　sighed　as　if　she　were　already　totally　bored　with　the　


subject　matter。　？Well；almost　。　He？s　engaged。　He？s　been　engaged　since　he　was；　like；　ten　years　old。　
You　know；　like　Lady　Diana　and　Prince　Charles？？　

Blair　spun　away　from　the　mirror；　her　fists　clenched　tightly　to　keep　from　strangling　Isabel？s　
ostrichlike　neck。　？And　where　exactly　did　you　hear　that？？　

Isabel　shrugged　her　shoulders　maddeningly。　？Everybody　knows。　It？s；　like；　afact　。？　

Depending　on　your　definition　of　the　wordfact　。　

？That？s　the　stupidest？？　Blair　was　about　to　try　and　defend　Lord　Marcus？s　honor；　but　she　stopped　
herself。　They　were　young；　they　were　in　love？who　cared　what　anyone　thought？　Even　if　therewas　
some　boring　girl　back　in　England　that　Lord　Marcus　was　supposed　to　marry；　she　probably　looked　
like　Queen　Victoria　and　sat　on　her　fat　ass　in　her　castle　eating　crumpets　all　day；　wondering　why　
Lord　Marcus　never　called。　

Isabel　smiled　at　her　reflection；　finally　satisfied。　？I　just　thought　you　should　know。？　She　shrugged　
her　shoulders　and　then　cocked　her　overwaxed　eyebrows　at　Blair。　？Wanna　e　have　a　cigarette　
with　us？？　she　offered；　as　if　they　were　all　still　thirteen　years　old　and　only　smoked　in　groups。　

？No。？　Blair　pushed　past　her　and　out　the　bathroom　door。　She　peeked　into　the　insanely　crowded　
lounge；　but　the　chair　where　she　and　Lord　Marcus　had　been　sitting　together　was　now　occupied　by　
Nate？s　loud；　stoned；　skinny　friend　Jeremy　and　some　skanky　French　girl　trying　to　teach　him　how　to　
blow　heart…shaped　smoke　rings。　Lord　Marcus　was　nowhere　to　be　seen。　Blair　fingered　the　Bvlgari　
pearl　choker　and　teetered　down　the　hall　to　the　elevator。　

All　night　she？d　wanted　to　get　Lord　Marcus　alone　in　his　suite。　Now　was　her　chance。　

D　is　mr。　popularity　

？So；　it　looks　like　it？s　unanimous。　Daniel　Humphrey；　you？re　our　graduation　speaker　this　year；？　
announced　Dan？s　Riverside　Prep　senior　homeroom　teacher；　Mr。　Cohen；　head　of　the　history　
department；　who　insisted　the　boys　call　him　Larry。　

？Huh？？　Dan　looked　up　from　the　poem　he　was　scribbling　in　his　ever…present　black…leather…bound　
book。　The　poem　was　called　？my　highway？　and　was　all　about　the　incredible　journey　Dan　was　about　
to　embark　on。　Since　there　was　nothing　keeping　him　in　the　city；　he？d　decided　to　leave　early　for　
Evergreen　College；　where　he　was　going　in　the　fall。　He？d　already　applied　for　a　summer　job　there　
through　the　college？s　employment　office　Web　site。　And　right　after　graduation；　he　was　going　to　
drive　all　the　way　there　to　Olympia；　Washington。　If　he　ever　got　a　car；　or　even　learned　how　to　drive。　


　Oops。　

Dan　had　decided　to　model　himself　after　Jack　Kerouac　when　he　was　writingOn　the　Road　。　On　his　
journey　west；　he？d　hook　up　with　the　most　gorgeous　local　girls　in　every　town；　try　exotic　new　food　
and　drink；　like　peyote　and　two…hundred…proof　tequila；　and　make　detours　to　bizarre　local　attractions；　
like　caves　with　hundred…foot…long　stalactites　and　bleeding　rocks；　or　a　cow　with　quintuplets。　He？d　
already　been　published　in　theNew　Yorker　at　the　impressive　age　of　seventeen　and　had　a　brief　stint　
as　the　lead　singer　for　the　popular　rock　band　the　Raves；　but　when　he　arrived　in　Washington　State；　
all　the　hell　the　way　across　the　country；　he？d　have　a　new　degree　from　the　College　of　Life。　

Bucking　girls　and　shucking　corn；　

Rodeo　bullhorns；　Stetsoned　longhorns；　a　Kansas　cyclone。　

A　Nebraskan　girl　leaves　her　lipstick　on　the　dash？　

She　salts　my　beef；　stirs　my　gumbo；　spits　out　my　pit。　

Uh…oh。　Sounds　like　he　was　a　rock　star　for　one　day　too　many。　

？The　class　voted　for