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small；　solemn　ceremony　in　the　school？s　rooftop　gym；　wished　the　boys　well；　and　then　sent　them　on　
their　way。　The　usually　cavernous…looking　gym　seemed　smaller　now；　filled　as　it　was　with　folding　
chairs；　mothers　in　Chanel　jackets　and　over…the…knee　linen　skirts；　and　dads　in　Brooks　Brothers　
summer…weight　gray　flannel　suits。　

Nate　had　been　waiting　for　this　day　forever；　and　to　mark　the　occasion；　he　and　his　buddies　had　
gotten　good　and　high　at　Charlie？s　house　beforehand。　Then　they？d　put　on　their　burgundy…colored　
school　ties　and　their　navy　blue　wool　school　jackets　with　the　dorky　brass　buttons　that　they？d　never；　
ever　have　to　wear　again；　and　walked　over。　

He　glanced　over　his　shoulder　at　his　parents；　seated　stiffly　across　the　aisle　and　six　rows　back。　
Captain　Archibald　met　his　gaze　and　waved　the　graduation　program　angrily　in　front　of　him；　
stabbing　at　the　list　of　graduates　with　his　index　finger；　his　gray…blond　eyebrows　knitted　together　in　
outrage。　

Nate　picked　up　the　program　where　it　had　fallen　between　his　Church？s　of　London　tan　suede　
lace…ups　and　studied　it　to　see　if　he　could　figure　out　what　his　dad？s　problem　was。　Forty…three　boys？　
names　were　printed　neatly　in　navy　blue　in　two　concise　columns。　The　very　first　name　on　the　list　
had　a　tiny　asterisk　next　to　it；　and　at　the　very　bottom　of　the　program；　next　to　a　matching　tiny　
asterisk；　was　the　note；Diploma　pending　。　Nate　squinted；　wondering　if　his　thoroughly　baked　brain　
was　playing　tricks　on　him；　but　there　it　was　again；　an　asterisk　next　to　his　name？Nathaniel　
Fitzwilliam　Archibald。　*　Diploma　pending。　

Fuck！　

Father　Mark；　the　ancient　former　pastor　who？d　been　the　St。　Jude？s　principal　since　at　least　1947；　
hunkered　over　the　podium　set　up　in　the　front　of　the　gym；　his　hands　shaking　as　he　began　to　read　out　
the　boys？　names。　Of　course　Nate　was　first。　？Nathaniel　Fitzwilliam　Archibald！？　

Nate　stood　up　and　walked　to　the　front　of　the　gym；　keeping　his　eyes　on　the　black　and　blue　lines　
duct…taped　to　the　floor　for　hoops　and　floor　hockey。　？Way　to　go；　man；？　a　bunch　of　guys　whispered　
sarcastically。　Nate？s　neck　burned　with　shame。　There　was　an　asterisk　next　to　his　name。　

Father　Mark　handed　him　a　square　navy　blue　faux　leather　folder　and　shook　his　hand　just　like　he　
was　supposed　to；　without　any　acknowledgment　of　the　asterisk。　Nate　turned　around　and　walked　
back　to　his　seat；　nearly　colliding　with　Coach　Michaels；　who　was　blocking　the　aisle　in　his　frigging　
red　Lands？　End　windbreaker。　He　grabbed　Nate？s　shirtsleeve　and　lunged　forward　to　whisper　in　his　
ear。　？I？ve　got　your　number；　boy；？　he　wheezed；　then　patted　Nate　roughly　on　the　shoulder　before　
letting　him　go。　

？Aw。　Isn？t　that　sweet？？　somebody？s　mother　cooed；　mistaking　Coach？s　threat　for　a　


congratulatory　embrace。　

Nate　returned　to　his　seat；　breathless　and　sweaty。　？Anthony　Arthur　Avuldsen！？　the　old　principal　
croaked；　impatiently　waving　the　blue　folder　containing　Anthony？s　diploma　over　his　
white…peach…fuzz…covered　head。　

Anthony　lumbered　over　Nate？s　khaki…pants…clad　knees　with　stoned　concentration。　Nate　clapped　
his　friend　on　his　muscular　back。　？You　made　it；？　he　murmured　weakly　as　the　now…familiar　choky；　
about…to…cry　feeling　welled　up　in　his　throat。　

？Charles　Cameron　Dern！？　Father　Mark　croaked　hoarsely。　

？Dude；？　Charlie　murmured　to　Nate　as　he　stumbled　by；　？what？s　with　the　little　star？？　

Nate　was　too　perplexed　to　cry。　He　just　sat　there　in　stoned　numbness；　his　father？s　furious　stare　
burning　holes　in　his　back　as　his　fellow　classmates　collected　their　diplomas。　The　blue　leather　folder　
lay　closed　on　his　lap。　He　nudged　it　open　with　his　thumb　just　a　crack。　Just　as　he？d　suspected：　The　
folder　was　empty。　

　Oh；　boy。　

Directly　behind　old　Father　Mark　was　the　black　metal　door　with　the　words　
PHYSICALEDUCATIONDEPARTMENTstenciled　on　it　in　white。　Nate　stared　at　the　door；　his　
glittering　green　eyes　blinking　in　consternation。　Did　the　asterisk　have　something　to　do　with　
Coach？s　Viagra？　

Finally；　he？s　catching　on！　

D　could　use　a　little　more　love　

？So　in　conclusion；　who　needs　college？at　least；　right　now？　I？ve　got　my　whole　life　to　get　educated。　
Just　like　John　Lennon　of　the　Beatles　once　wrote；　？Love　is　all　you　need。　Love　is　all　you　need。　Love　
is　all　you　need。？？　

Dan　surveyed　the　audience　as　he　finished　his　speech；　standing　behind　the　wooden　podium　at　the　
front　of　the　stage。　Riverside　Prep？s　informal　graduation　ceremony　was　held　in　the　school　
auditorium　and　felt　very　much　like　one　of　the　off…kilter　plays　the　drama　department　put　on　twice　a　
year。　Behind　him；　Dan？s　forty…one　other　classmates　were　seated　on　folding　chairs；　their　mouths　
hanging　open　in　shocked　surprise。　Even　Larry；　their　desperate…to…be…down…with…the…boys　senior　
homeroom　teacher；　kept　chuckling　nervously　and　glancing　down　at　the　thirty　rows　of　faculty；　
parents；　and　relatives　seated　in　the　gray　velvet　movie…theater…style　seats　below　them；　as　if　he　were　


wondering　if　he　should　explain　that　Dan？s　speech　was　just　another　one　of　those　goofy　senior　
pranks　he　and　his　boyz　were　always　pullin？。　

In　the　last　row　of　seats；　Rufus？s　head　was　bowed；　his　fuzzy　salt…and…pepper　hair　tied　with　the　
festive　orange　ribbon　that　had　e　tied　around　the　neck　of　the　bottle　of　Veuve　Clicquot　
champagne　he？d　bought　for　them　to　drink　later。　Jenny　was　holding　his　hand。　She　looked　up；　
meeting　Dan？s　gaze　across　the　rows　of　heads　with　her　soulful　brown　eyes。You　asshole；　how　could　
you　do　this　to　our　sweet；　well…meaning　Dad？　her　expression　seemed　to　say。In　case　you　didn？t　
remember；　education　is　everything　to　him。　

Dan　remained　onstage　to　receive　the　E。　B。　White　Writing　Award；　Riverside　Prep？s　award　for　
outstanding　creative　writing　achievement。　？Congratulations；　son。？　Their　lisping；　tall；　young；　
Russian…figure…skater…handsome　principal；　Dr。　Nesbitt；　handed　him　the　rolled…up　piece　of　
parchment　paper　and　shook　his　hand　while　a　photographer　snapped　pictures。　Dr。　Nesbitt　was　a　
lower…school　dad　who？d　been　acting　principal　for　a　year　and　a　half？ever　since　Mr。　Coobie；　the　
previous　principal；　had　gotten　ousted　after　attempting　to　teach　human　development　to　the　fifth　
graders　himself　instead　of　hiring　a　professional。　

The　applause　was　thin　and　sporadic　as　Dan　accepted　the　award　and　returned　to　his　seat。　It　was　
bound　to　be　after　a　speech　like　that。Don？t　listen　to　your　teachers？　Let　love　be　your　teacher　and　
follow　your　heart？　Love　is　all　you　need；　love　is　all　you　need；　love　is　all　you　need？

　Hello？？！　

？And　now　for　the　diplomas；？　Dr。　Nesbitt　announced；　and　the　audience　shifted　eagerly　in　their　
seats。　

None　of　the　boys？　last　names　began　withA　；　so　Chuck　Bass　was　first。　For　the　occasion；　Chuck　
had　dressed　entirely　in　cream…colored　linen；　including　his　shoes；　which　were　made　by　Hogan　and　
even　had　cream…colored　crepe　soles。　With　his　sleek；　dark　hair　and　tanned　handsome　face；　he　
actually　looked　pretty　sharp；　like　a　Hollywood　star　from　the　1940s。　Chuck　tucked　the　
brown…leather…bound　diploma　case　under　his　arm；　pulled　a　Cuban　cigar　out　of　his　jacket　pocket；　
and　put　it　between　his　lips。　

He　was　about　to　turn　and　walk　offstage　when　Dr。　Nesbitt　snatched　the　cigar　out　of　his　mouth；　
wiped　it　on　his　trousers；　and　stuck　it　in　his　own　mouth。　？I？m　going　to　need　something　to　chew　on　
to　get　through　all　these　names；？　he　quipped　into　the　microphone；　and　the　audience　of　parents　
responded　with　a　roar　of　laughter。　Dr。　Nesbitt　had　been　so　popular　since　stepping　in　as　principal；　
he？d　had　to　temporarily　shut　down　his　psychiatric　practice　because　the　school　had　yet　to　find　a　
new　principal　they　liked　nearly　as　much。　

？Nice　speech；　dickhead；？　Chuck　hissed　as　he　lumbered　over　Dan？s　feet　on　his　way　back　to　his　
seat。　？？Follow　your　heart？？　Does　that　mean　we？re　eloping　to　Vegas　together　after　the　ceremony？？　
Dan　resisted　the　urge　to　grind　his　Wallabees　into　Chuck？s　nuts。　He　hadn？t　thought　about　how　his　


speech　might　sound　to　everyone　else。　All　he　knew　was　that　he？d　written　it　from　the　heart；　with　one　
person　in　mind：　Vanessa。　

？Nice　work；？　Zeke　Freedman　sneered　at　Dan　as　he　passed　by　on　his　way　up　to　the　stage。　Zeke　
and　Dan　had　been　best　buddies　until　Vanessa　became　Dan？s　girlfriend　and　Dan　sort　of　forgot　
about　everything　and　everybody　else。　Zeke　was　kind　of　a　puter　geek　and　was　extremely　proud　
of　the　fact　that　he　was　going　to　MIT　in　the　fall；　so　it　wasn？t　a　stretch　to　guess　that　Dan？s　speech　
had　rubbed　him　the　wrong　way。　

Dan　glanced　back　at　his　family　again。　Jenny　had　her　arm　around　their　dad　now；　and　Rufus？s　
shoulders　were　shaking　with　grief。　The　other　parents　probably　thought　Rufus　was　weeping　with　
pride；　but　Dan　knew　better。　Maybe　he　should　have　given　his　dad　some　warning　and　told　him　about　
not　going　to　Evergreen　next　year。　

　Yeah；　maybe。　

？Daniel　Jonah　Humphrey；？　Dr。　Nesbitt　called　out。　

Dan　squirmed　in　his　seat。　Hadn？t　he　used　up　enough　front…of…stage　time　already？　He　dashed　out　
of　his　third…row　seat；　grabbed　the　brown　leather　folder　out　of　Dr。　Nesbitt？s　hand；　and　dashed　back　
to　his　seat　again；　as　if　he　were　afraid　his　classmates　were　going　to　pelt　him　with　raw　tomatoes　or　
something。　

Jenny　had　thought　Dan？s　graduation　would　be　relatively　painless　and　boring。　She　hadn？t　even　
minded　when　her　dad　had　changed　her　ticket　to　Prague　to　leave　tomorrow　morning　instead　of　
yesterday　so　she　wouldn？t　miss　it。　He？d　get　his　diploma　while　she　and　Rufus　whispered　to　each　
other　and　heckled　his　nerdy　classmates。　Then　they？d　go　eat　Chinese　at　Dan？s　favorite　place　on　
Broadway；　and　later　she？d　drag　Dan　out　to　that　party　Blair　Waldorf　was　rumored　to　be　hosting　at　
the　Yale　Club？a　party　that　she　was　absolutely　determined　not　to　miss。　

Instead；　their　whole　family　was　falling　apart；　and　she　was　freaking　out。　

She　and　Dan　had　basically　stopped　being　nice　to　each　other　when　Jenny　had　spent　the　night　in　a　
Plaza　Hotel　room　with　the　members　of　the　Raves　and　then　proceeded　to　record　a　song　with　them　
on　the　same　day　they　fired　Dan。　At　home　it　seemed　like　Dan　could　do　no　wrong。　He　was　a　
published　author　and　an　A　student。　He？d　had　his　pick　of　colleges　to　go　to；　including　Brown；　Colby；　
NYU；　and　Evergreen。　Their　dad　boasted　about　his　achievements　all　the　time。　Jenny　was　an　even　
better　student；　but　ever　since　Mrs。　McLean　had　requested　that　she　not　return　to　Constance　next　
year；　she？d　felt　like　Dan？s　naughty　little　sister。　The　fact　that　overprotective　Rufus　had　actually　
agreed　to　let　her　go　to　boarding　school　made　it　even　more　clear：　Dan　was　the　good　one；　and　she　
was　the　bad　one。　

But　now　here　she　was；　holding　her　dad？s　hand　and　pretending　to　be　totally　calm　and　mentally　
stable　while　she　was　really　wondering　what　was　going　to　bee　ofher　next　year。　If　only　she　


could　take　Dan？s　place　at　Evergreen。　It　was　supposed　to　be　arty？she？d　probably　do　fine。　
Too　bad　they　don？t　have　a　tenth　grade。　

A　reads　v　like　a　book　

Even　though　she？d　been　totally　two…timing　him　and　a　cross…country　road　trip　really　wasn？t　her　
idea　of　a　good　time；　Vanessa　was　ready　for　Aaron　when　he　pulled　up　in　his　red　Saab；　right　on　time。　
She　just　couldn？t　let　him　down；　because　if　she　did；　she？d　have　to　explain　her　outrageously　heinous　
behavior；　which　she　wasn？t　prepared　to　do；　because　she　honestly　didn？t　know　why　she？d　behaved　
so　heinously。　Maybe　she　was　just　？

　Psycho？　

？I？ll　be　down　in　a　sec！？　she　called　when　he　buzzed　from　downstairs。　

？Nah；　buzz　me　in；　I？m　ing　up；？　he　responded。　

Vanessa　should　have　known　that　something　was　up　when　he　walked　in　and　didn？t　kiss　her。　
Downstairs；　Mookie；　Aaron？s　huge　brown…and…white　boxer；　barked　eagerly　out　of　the　Saab？s　open　
sunroof。　

There　were　green　beads　in　Aaron？s　coarse　brown　hair。　All　of　a　sudden　Vanessa　noticed　that　he？d　
grown　it　out　into　inch…long　little　dreads　all　over　his　head。　When　had　that　happened？　

？Thank　God　Blair？s　graduating　today　too；？　he　remarked。　？My　dad　was　totally　fine　with　going　to　
her　thing　instead　of　mine。？　He　patted　his　green　army…issue…shorts　pockets。　？Um　？？　he　began；　his　
dark　eyes　darting　nervously　around　the　room。　？Hey；　nice　dress！？　

The　Morgane　le　Fay　dress　hung　all　by　itself　in　the　living　room　closet。　

Vanessa　shrugged。　？I？m　returning　it。？　

Aaron　went　over　to　the　dress　and　pulled　the　hanger　off　the