友情提示:如果本网页打开太慢或显示不完整,请尝试鼠标右键“刷新”本网页!
暧昧电子书 返回本书目录 加入书签 我的书架 我的书签 TXT全本下载 『收藏到我的浏览器』

高山上的呼喊-go tell it on the mountain-第9部分

快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部! 如果本书没有阅读完,想下次继续接着阅读,可使用上方 "收藏到我的浏览器" 功能 和 "加入书签" 功能!

ut Gabriel was a man; he would goout one day into the world to do a man’s work; and he needed; therefore; meat; when there was anyin the house; and clothes; whenever clothes could be bought; and the strong indulgence of hiswomenfolk; so that he would know how to be with women when he had a wife。 And he needed theeducation that Florence desired far more than he; and that she might have got if he had not beenborn。 It was Gabriel who was slapped and scrubbed each morning and sent off to the one…roomschoolhouse—which he hated; and where he managed to learn; so far as Florence could discover;almost nothing at all。 And often he was not at school; but getting into mischief with other boys。
  Almost all of their neighbors; and even some of the white folks; came at one time or another toplain of Gabriel’s wrongdoing。 Their mother would walk out into the yard and cut a switchfrom a tree and beat him—beat him; it seemed to Florence; until any other boy would have fallendown dead; and so often that any other boy would have ceased his wickedness。 Nothing stoppedGabriel; though he made Heaven roar with his howling; though he screamed aloud; as his motherapproached; that he would never be such a bad boy again。 And; after the beating; his pants still down around his knees and his face wet with tears and mucus; Gabriel was made to kneel downwhile his mother prayed。 She asked Florence to pray; too; but in her heart Florence never prayed。
  She hoped that Gabriel would break his neck。 She wanted the evil against which their motherprayed to overtake him one day。
  In those days Florence and Deborah; who had e close friend after Deborah’s ‘accident;’
  hated all men。 When men looked at Deborah they saw no father that her unlovely and violatedbody。 In their eyes lived perpetually a lewd; uneasy wonder concerning the night she had beentaken in the fields。 That night had robbed her of the right to be considered a woman。 No manwould approach her in honor because she was a living reproach; to herself and to all black womenand to all black men。 If she had been beautiful; and if God had not given her a spirit so demure; shemight; with ironic gusto; have acted out that rape in the field for ever。 Since she could not beconsidered a woman; she could only be looked on as a harlot; a source of delight more bestial andmysteries more shaking than any a proper woman could provide。 Lust stirred in the eyes of menwhen they look at Deborah; lust that could not be endured because it was so impersonal; limitingmunion to the area of her shame。 And Florence; who was beautiful but did not look with favoron any of the black men who lusted after her; not wishing to exchange her mother’s cabin for oneof theirs and to raise their children and so go down; toil…blasted; into; as it were; a mon grave;reinforced in Deborah the terrible belief against which evidence had ever presented itself: that allmen were like this; their thoughts rose no higher; and they lived only to gratify on the bodies ofwomen their brutal and humiliating needs。
  One Sunday at a camp…meeting; when Gabriel was twelve years old and was to be baptized;Deborah and Florence stood on the banks of a river along with all the other folks and watched him。
  Gabriel had not wished to be baptized。 The thought had frightened and angered him; but hismother insisted that Gabriel was now of an age to be responsible before God for his sins—shewould not shirk the duty; laid on her by the Lord; of doing everything within he power to bringhim to the throne of grace。 On the banks of a river; under the violent light of noon; confessedbelievers and children of Gabriel’s age waited to be led into the water。 Standing out; waist…deepand robed in white; was the preacher; who would hold their heads briefly under the water; cryingout to Heaven as the baptized held his breath: ‘I indeed have baptized you with water: but He shallbaptize you with the Holy Ghost。’ Then; as they rose sputtering and blinded and were led to theshore; he cried out again: ‘Go thou and sin no more。’ They came up from the water; visibly underthe power of the Lord; and on the shore the saints awaited them; beating their tambourines。
  Standing bear the shore were the elders of the church; holding towels with which to cover thenewly baptized; who were then led into the tents; one for either sex; where they could change theirclothes。
  At last; Gabriel; dressed in an old white shirt and short linen pants; stood on the edge of thewater。 Then he was slowly led into the river; where he had so often splashed naked; until hereached the preacher。 And the moment that the preacher threw him down; crying out the words ofJohn the Baptist; Gabriel began to kick and sputter; nearly throwing the preacher off balance; andthough at first they thought that it was the power of the Lord that worked in him; they realized ashe rose; still kicking and with his eyes tightly shut; that it was only fury; and too much water in hisnose。 Some folks smiled; but Florence and Deborah did not smile。 Though Florence had also been indignant; years before when the slimy water entered her incautiously open mouth; she had doneher best not to sputter; and she had not cried out。 But now; here came Gabriel; floundering andfurious up the bank; and what she looked at; with an anger more violent than any she had feltbefore; was his nakedness。 He was drenched; and his thin; white clothes clung like another skin tohis black body。 Florence and Deborah looked at one another; while the singing rose to coverGabriel’s howling; and Deborah looked away。
  Years later; Deborah and Florence had stood on Deborah’s porch at night and watched avomit…covered Gabriel stagger up the moonlight road; and Florence had cried out: ‘I hate him! Ihate him! Big; black; prancing tomcat of a nigger!’ And Deborah had said; in that heavy voice ofhers: ‘You know; honey; the Word tell us to hate the sin but not the sinner。’
  In nieen hundred; when she was twenty…six; Florence walked out through the cabindoor。 She had thought to wait until her mother; who was so ill now that she no longer stirred out ofbed; should be buried—but suddenly she knew that she would wait no longer; the time had e。
  She had been working as cook and serving…girl for a large white family in town; and it was on theday her master proposed that she bee his concubine that she knew her life among thesewretched people had e to its destined end。 She left her employment that same day (leavingbehind her a most vehement conjugal bitterness); and with part of the money that with cunning;cruelty; and sacrifice she had saved over a period of years; bought a railroad ticket to New York。
  When she bout it; in a kind of scarlet rage; she held like a talisman at the back of her mind thethought: ‘I can give it back; I can sell it。 This don’t mean I got to go。’ But she knew that nothingcould stop her。
  And it was this leave…taking that came to stand; in Florence’s latter days; and with othermany witness; at her bedside。 Gray clouds obscured the sun that day; and outside the cabin windowshe saw that mist still covered the ground。 Her mother lay in bed; awake; she was pleading withGabriel; who had been out drinking the night before; and who was not really sober now; to mendhis ways and e to the Lord。 And Gabriel; full of the confusion; and pain; and guilt that were hiswhenever he thought of how he made his mother suffer; but that became nearly insupportablewhen she taxed him with it; stood before the mirror; head bowed; buttoning his shirt。 Florenceknew that he could not unlock his lips to speak; he could not say yes to his mother; and to theLord; and he could not say no。
  ‘Honey;’ their mother was saying; ‘don’t you let your old mother die without you look herin the eye and tell her she going to see you in glory。 You hear me; boy?’
  In a moment; Florence thought with scorn; tears would fill his eyes; and he would promiseto ‘do better。’ He had been promising to ‘do better’ since the day he had been baptized。
  She put down her bag in the center of the hateful room。
  ‘Ma;’ she said; ‘I’m going。 I’m a…going this morning。’
  Now that she had said it; she was angry with herself for not having said it the night before;so that they would have had time to be finished with their weeping and their arguments。 She hadnot trusted herself to withstand the night before; but now there was almost no time t。 The center of her mind was filled with the image of the great; white clock at the railway station; on which thehands did not cease to move。
  ‘You going where?’ her mother asked sharply。 But she knew that her mother hadunderstood; had indeed long before this moment known that this time would e。 Theastonishment with which she stared at Florence’s bag was not altogether astonishment; but astartled; wary attention。 A danger imagined had bee present and real; and her mother wasalready searching for a way to break Florence’s will。 All this Florence knew in a moment; and itmade her stronger。 She watched her mother; waiting。
  But at the tone of his mother’s voice Gabriel; who had scarcely heard Florence’sannouncement; so grateful had he been that something had occurred to distract from him hismother’s attention; dropped his eyes and saw Florence’s traveling…bag。 And he repeated hismother’s question in a stunned; angry voice; understanding it only as the words hit the air:
  ‘Yes; girl。 Where you think you going?’
  ‘I’m going; she said; ‘to New York。 I got my ticket。’
  And her mother watched her。 For a moment no one said a word。 Then; Gabriel; in achanged and frightened voice; asked:
  ‘And when you done decide that?’
  She did not look at him; nor answer his question。 She continued to watch her mother。 ‘I gotmy ticket;’ she repeated。 ‘I’m going on the morning train。’
  ‘Girl;’ asked her mother; quietly; ‘is you sure you know what you’s doing?’
  She stiffened。 seeing in her mother’s eyes a mocking pity。 ‘I’m a woman grown;’ she said。
  ‘I know what I’m doing。’
  ‘And you going;’ cried Gabriel; ‘this morning—just like that? And you going to walk offand leave your mother—just like that?’
  ‘You hush;’ she said; turning to him for the first time; ‘she got you; ain’t she?’
  This was indeed; she realized as he dropped his eyes; the bitter; troubling point。 He couldnot endure the thought of being left alone with his mother; with nothing whatever to put betweenhimself and his guilty love。 With Florence gone; time would have swallowed up all his mother’schildren; except himself; and he; then; must make amends for all the pain that she had borne; andsweeten her last moments with all his proofs of love。 And his mother required of him one proofonly; that he tarry no longer in sin。 With Florence gone; his stammering time; his playing time;contracted with a bound to the sparest interrogative second; when he must stiffen himself; andanswer to his mother; and all the host of Heaven; yes or no。
  Florence smiled inwardly a small; malicious smile; watching his slow bafflement; andpanic; and rage: and she looked at her mother again。 ‘She got you;’ she repeated。 ‘She don’t needme。’
  ‘You going north;’ her mother said; then。 ‘And when you reckon on ing back?’
  ‘I don’t reckon on ing back;’ she said。
   ‘You e crying back soon enough;’ said Gabriel; with malevolence; ‘soon as they whipyour butt up there four or five times。’
  She looked at him again。 ‘Just don’t you try to hold your breath till then; you hear?’
  ‘Girl;’ said her mother; ‘you mean to tell me the Devil’s done made your heart so hard youcan just leave your mother on her dying bed; and you don’t care if you don’t never see her in thisworld no more? Honey; you can’t tell me you done got so evil as all that?’
  She felt Gabriel watching her to see how she would take this question—the question that;for all her determination; she had dreaded most to hear。 She looked away from her mother; andstraightened; catching her breath; looking outwards through the small; cracked window。 Thereoutside; beyond the slowly rising mist; and farther off that her eyes could see; her life awaited her。
  The woman on the bed was old; her life was fading as the mist
返回目录 上一页 下一页 回到顶部 1 1
快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部!
温馨提示: 温看小说的同时发表评论,说出自己的看法和其它小伙伴们分享也不错哦!发表书评还可以获得积分和经验奖励,认真写原创书评 被采纳为精评可以获得大量金币、积分和经验奖励哦!